70 replies to this topic

[websherpa]

For many addicts the only cure is to stop. Period. Get another hobby that doesn't involve winning anything. Stay away from emulators and gambling /slots / fruity forums.

When I quite smoking (for the 5th time or so), not only did I have to go on Zyban, but I stopped going to the corner store that I used to buy from, I stopped going to parties, I stopped hanging with anyone I used to smoke with. It took maybe 2 years until I could safely go back to any one of those triggers, but the key was that I told myself, "Once you stop, you can never go back. One puff and you'll be back addicted as bad as ever." I was - a pack or more a day, waking to smoke in the middle of the night, etc..

I'm the addictive sort, that's why I rarely go into casinos, (they're all non-smoking here in Ontario), I only take a small stake with me and no other cash, I make it a rule NEVER to use a credit or debit card in a casino, and I never gamble alone (the last one is VERY important).

However, I never gambled away any money, I was never addicted that way. I am addicted to coin op machines, however, and sometimes it does get in the way of work and I overspend. But then again, I BUY the machines, so I never lose, really (the house never loses).

Gambling addiction is on the rise, particularly among the young who have easier access to credit than ever and NO advice on how to use (or not to use) it. The Internet makes gambling sooo easy to do, and, because "the house never loses" it ruins a few vulnerable lives.

The good news is that "ruin" is all perspective. If you haven't had your hands cut off, or are sitting in jail, then you're actually doing pretty good and, with the right help and support, you will bounce back.

But first, stop chasing the tiger.

P.S. I haven't smoked a cigarette in 10 years, and no desire to, not even a smidge.

Best,

Wayne (websherpa, aka WEB)

[Bencrest]

The thing that annoys me the most is that when I quit smoking, it was a piece of piss (for me).

I had a very simple plan - and one of the simplest parts of it was to buy a 10 pack of Marlboro, and chuck 9 away. I had 1 Marlboro sat in my bedroom drawer, so that I had one there if I genuinely needed it. Because I had one there, I didn't buy any more because there was one at home - but whenever I was at home I managed to do something else to keep my mind off it - I smoked a lot more when I was out than when I was at home (about 20>40 per day when I was at college of all sorts of stuff, Senior Service, Capstans, Woodbines, e.t.c.).

Since then I did get through a ten pack of Marlboro lights during one particularly stressful day (about 6 months ago), but regretted it after and haven't looked back since.

Thats what does my head in. According to TV you almost can't quit smoking without need patches / gum e.t.c (maybe it's just because I had only been smoking on and off for about 6 years?), so I assumed quitting machines would be as easy for me as smoking was.

No such luck. Will have to start writing notes and bunging them in the cash section of my wallet, sticking them to my bank cards, reminding me not to play them and do something else. Will see how today goes though and see if I need to come up with any other plan of attack.

[websherpa]

The thing that annoys me the most is that when I quit smoking, it was a piece of piss (for me).

I had a very simple plan - and one of the simplest parts of it was to buy a 10 pack of Marlboro, and chuck 9 away. I had 1 Marlboro sat in my bedroom drawer, so that I had one there if I genuinely needed it. Because I had one there, I didn't buy any more because there was one at home - but whenever I was at home I managed to do something else to keep my mind off it - I smoked a lot more when I was out than when I was at home (about 20>40 per day when I was at college of all sorts of stuff, Senior Service, Capstans, Woodbines, e.t.c.).

Since then I did get through a ten pack of Marlboro lights during one particularly stressful day (about 6 months ago), but regretted it after and haven't looked back since.

Thats what does my head in. According to TV you almost can't quit smoking without need patches / gum e.t.c (maybe it's just because I had only been smoking on and off for about 6 years?), so I assumed quitting machines would be as easy for me as smoking was.

No such luck. Will have to start writing notes and bunging them in the cash section of my wallet, sticking them to my bank cards, reminding me not to play them and do something else. Will see how today goes though and see if I need to come up with any other plan of attack.

Patches and gum don't work (for the majority) for the same reason, if you keep a reminder around (small amounts of nicotine) then it's just like smoking smaller cigarettes. It keeps you addicted. It's like having your "friend" around just in case you need emotional support - well you know, you're always going to need that support. It's giving in to that need BEFORE you're fully able to live without it that drags people back into it.

Zyban helped for 2 reasons, it reduces the physical dependency on tobacco, but it also affects the emotional and anxiety centres enough that it allows you to "be strong" during the period required to get over the physical/chemical addiction. Tobacco is much, much more addictive than many addictions, including alcohol and gambling, so quitting smoking is tougher (if you can quit smoking for good, then you can do just about anything).

That being said, chemicals like Zyban and Wellbutrin can likely play a major role in stopping other addictions, like gambling, because they help boost your sense of well-being in the world. They help keep you on an even keel (without being euphoric) when you need it most. A doctor can be amazing help for just about any addiction, because when you think about it, addictions are all about endorphins, brain chemicals that make you feel good in the world when you are depressed, or give you a high when things are going well. A good doctor will approach the problem holistically as well, recommending techniques and also encouraging you to be honest with family and friends so that they can help you through the addiction and help you by not triggering.

However, there are people who can smoke an occasional cigarette and then not have one for weeks (not that that's a good thing). And there are others who can gamble once a year or even once a week and not lose the farm. You have to admit to yourself that you're not one of those people (like I did), admit that you have an addictive personality and just recognize what it's doing to your life and walk away. Completely away.

Start fresh, don't go near any place with diddlers for at least a year (remember you're trying to get over the love of your life, and they say that truely takes two years). No souvenir tokens, no reminders, stay away from forums like this, give up your gambling friends, nothing until the day you can walk into an arcade and out again without playing and without feeling "the need".

If you still feel the "urge" then you're not over the addiction yet and you need to stay away longer.

12 step programs have their place too, though I find that "group therapy" usually just brings similarly addicted people together who reminisce and trigger each other. Overcoming addiction is something that, while you enlist help, you truley need to do yourself. And, by the way, it feels very, very good to know that you can get that monkey off your back.

From one addict to many, my 2 cents.

[websherpa]

Fruit machines are the root of all my problems.

I hate myself for what I have done to my ex partner. She will probably never trust me again, and how do you think my son will feel when he is old enough to understand why we split up. I am so ashamed of myself for not being able to deal with my addiction but at least I am trying to sort myself out now. It's not too late for me to get myself back on the straight and narrow but its gonna take a long time and a hell of a lot of will power and determination. And I know I will succeed

James L

IMHO you have one of the best incentives to give up gambling for good, for the love of your son. Right now you are grieving your losses, you are in pain, and that makes it even easier to go for the "easy high". But short term solutions don't work, you have to grieve, acknowledge your grief and then move on (sometimes with a little help from someone else).

Even if you are never able to see your son again, he would be proud of you for turning around and fighting it. In fact, regardless of what happened, he will probably always idolize you in some way, it's never a closed door. In all likelihood, if you follow your plan, stay away from diddlers, get off this forum and emulators for a while (IMHO), and feel good about it when you get the urge and resist it, you will become addicted to the high of being non-addicted instead (it feels good to be in control of your own life).

Don't focus on what you lost, change your handle / nickname and possibly your avatar, if these things make you sad because you are punishing yourself, then you will stay sad. Dwell on the things about yourself that are good, about the good you can do and the benefits your being can have for others. We all need to remind ourselves just how lucky we are to be alive, and about how there are positive things we do, and that we always can do more.

You will succeed because you have to, your life, and more importantly your son's life depends on it. Think how much worse if your son NEVER gets the opportunity to know the most important truth, that you love him, and that you fought your addiction for him.

As far as what has happened to your relationship, they say, "let it go, and if it was meant to be it will come back to you" and this is very true. You (and your ex-partner) need to truely change (and that takes time) before you can come back as different people. Remember that it's about giving your son the best life possible, supporting him in your actions that's important, not about what you lost, not about what people think about you, or what you could have or should have done, that's the past. Move on to what you can do, prove that you are worthwhile, make the best decisions to support his life, even if that means staying just out of touch for now, don't worry that you may be missing it (that's selfish). The time will come, perhaps in 10 or more years, perhaps sooner, when you will look back and say, what was meant to happen happened for a reason, it brought us to this point, it made us stronger. Your son will not remember you for what you were, he doesn't even know, he thinks you're perfect. He will remember you for what you will become, when he is ready, if you are ready, then that moment will come in the future when all the past will be erased.

Trying to hang on to the past, trying to correct it, longing for what we've lost, is what keeps most people repeating the same patterns and mistakes.

It's the hardest advice to take, to let things go, particularly when you're dwelling in pain, but believe me it's the best advice. Acknowledge the pain (it's part of greiving), but eventually lose the pain and realize that what's done is done, move towards positive actions, develop and evolve yourself and then you will start attracting positive responses and improved relationships and have better opportunities.

Sorry I didn't mean to get so personal, especially over the Internet, and with someone who's life is a little fragile right now, but I understand the pain and want to lend some experience to what sounds like people going through some personal hell.

[wullie]

i admit i am a compulsive gambler and my life has become unmanagemable.in other worlds through in the towel

[mrmystery83]

Oh well that didn't last long! Put a £5 in a PCB £100 JP last night and got £40. Wahay! But not for long! Don't ask me why i even thought about gambling here, but the fair is in town and i thought i'd have a few quid. Well i say a few quid what i really mean is my winnings plus a bit on top. The machine was obviously fiddled. A fact confirmed when i went to collect my winnings and nothing happened, and it just went back to attract mode. It was only £8 so i thought sod it. It's here till sunday but i ain't going back. So that'll save me at least another £60 maybe more.

Going Blackpool tommorow and really gonna have to try and behave and save! It's getting beyond the joke now. Not to get the old violin music playing, but i can't even afford to phone my missus or go and see her at mo. She being really understanding so far. Most probably cos she doesn't know the reason why i'm skint! My luck is going to run out sooner or later i know it is. It has kind of already but i know it could be a lot worse. She's going through a really rough time and i can't be there for her. I feel dead guilty but does that stop me playing? No. Even though i know it damn well should!

I'm just gonna have to try and take each day as it comes and hope for the best. I'm not as bad as i was but i know i could be a whole lot better.

Good luck everyone. We're gonna damn well need it!

[VampUK]

IMHO you have one of the best incentives to give up gambling for good, for the love of your son. Right now you are grieving your losses, you are in pain, and that makes it even easier to go for the "easy high". But short term solutions don't work, you have to grieve, acknowledge your grief and then move on (sometimes with a little help from someone else).

Even if you are never able to see your son again, he would be proud of you for turning around and fighting it. In fact, regardless of what happened, he will probably always idolize you in some way, it's never a closed door. In all likelihood, if you follow your plan, stay away from diddlers, get off this forum and emulators for a while (IMHO), and feel good about it when you get the urge and resist it, you will become addicted to the high of being non-addicted instead (it feels good to be in control of your own life).

Don't focus on what you lost, change your handle / nickname and possibly your avatar, if these things make you sad because you are punishing yourself, then you will stay sad. Dwell on the things about yourself that are good, about the good you can do and the benefits your being can have for others. We all need to remind ourselves just how lucky we are to be alive, and about how there are positive things we do, and that we always can do more.

You will succeed because you have to, your life, and more importantly your son's life depends on it. Think how much worse if your son NEVER gets the opportunity to know the most important truth, that you love him, and that you fought your addiction for him.

As far as what has happened to your relationship, they say, "let it go, and if it was meant to be it will come back to you" and this is very true. You (and your ex-partner) need to truely change (and that takes time) before you can come back as different people. Remember that it's about giving your son the best life possible, supporting him in your actions that's important, not about what you lost, not about what people think about you, or what you could have or should have done, that's the past. Move on to what you can do, prove that you are worthwhile, make the best decisions to support his life, even if that means staying just out of touch for now, don't worry that you may be missing it (that's selfish). The time will come, perhaps in 10 or more years, perhaps sooner, when you will look back and say, what was meant to happen happened for a reason, it brought us to this point, it made us stronger. Your son will not remember you for what you were, he doesn't even know, he thinks you're perfect. He will remember you for what you will become, when he is ready, if you are ready, then that moment will come in the future when all the past will be erased.

Trying to hang on to the past, trying to correct it, longing for what we've lost, is what keeps most people repeating the same patterns and mistakes.

It's the hardest advice to take, to let things go, particularly when you're dwelling in pain, but believe me it's the best advice. Acknowledge the pain (it's part of greiving), but eventually lose the pain and realize that what's done is done, move towards positive actions, develop and evolve yourself and then you will start attracting positive responses and improved relationships and have better opportunities.

Sorry I didn't mean to get so personal, especially over the Internet, and with someone who's life is a little fragile right now, but I understand the pain and want to lend some experience to what sounds like people going through some personal hell.

Possibly THE most helpful/understanding post I've ever seen on these forums. 10/10

[todd1970]

James as you know we have a good chat on MSN about this and im glad to see you are genuinely making a major attempt to stay away from the fruitys..I have gave up the fruitys many a time fell off the wagon..got back on..fell off..got back on.

I mean ffs if i was my missus i woulda dumped me long ago but then again she knew i was a puggy player when she 1st met me some 16 years ago..not saying you ex is any less understanding than mine but my missus seems to have more tolerance towards it.

Remember if you ever need to chat about anything or need a listener im on MSN..in a non gay way ill be there for ye..as only another puggy addict can understand what your talking about etc.

[mrmystery83]

Don't turn to the machines for comfort like i have so many times. It's only going to make things worse in the long run. Just take each day as it comes. That's some bad news there mate, but there's always people you can talk to on here like Todd said. Try and keep your chin up even though i know sometimes it's easier said than done.

[£6 In Tokens]

Well hello people. I just thought i would let you know how things went in court today. I'm sorry to say that they went very bad and that the cafcass lady wants me to have a phycological assesmet by a special doc. This is going to take upto 6 months and therfore cant see jack untill the report is done which will be jan/feb 2008 I broke down in tears in court and told them this is not fair but i did not make any diffrence. My ex had a big smile on her face. its like she is getting her revenge for all the times i hurt her. I dont know if i can wait another 6/7 months to see my son, i dont think i have the energy to carry on any more. I have made so many changes in the last few months all for the best and i just dont feel like i am getting anywhere. i feel like just giving up on my son and giving up on life. I dont know how much more i can take.

You will take it - because you have to take it. Just go along with what the court says. Do not play fruity's - Do other things instead (mentioned in this post). Does seem like you have been given a short straw, but things will get better in time (always do).

This is life, not everything goes your way, and you will have to deal with the good and bad with the same attitude. You will be OK. I would just like to add that our ex girlfriend is being very nasty, and is no excuse for whatever you did in the past - Look at this as a consequence of playing the fruit machines. Don't worry about the past, it is now time to plan for the future.

:devil:

[websherpa]

I have made so many changes in the last few months all for the best and i just dont feel like i am getting anywhere. i feel like just giving up on my son and giving up on life. I dont know how much more i can take.

Giving up would just prove their point.

When you get to this stage you need help, professional help. When dark thoughts cloud your judgement more often than naught you need to see a doctor, in advance of your psychological assessment, it's no shame, it's human nature.

Time (and planning) heals all wounds. The next thing you do is need to formulate a plan. The very best planners are lawyers. In Canada anyway, if someone's parental rights are being tampered with, particularly if you are being obligated to undergo any sort of professional scrutiny, you are encouraged to engage a solicitor. Often the court is obligated to assign you a public defender (though many people don't take advantage of it). Pro bono lawyers are available to review and assist in these matters.

The courts (here anyway) have an obligation to rule in favour of the best interests of the child (not the parents, unless there are other mitigating circumstances). You need to try very hard to think along those lines as well. IT may take a very long time for you to get back to your son, but you can never give up hope.

If maintaining contact with your son now may result in more complications for you, your ex or your son, (this can be the case if you have not yet finished grieving the loss of your relationship) then you need to formulate a long term plan to eventually be some part of his life again sometime in the future. Realize that this may take years.

Most parents see Children's Aid (cafcass) as the enemy (since they seem to be judgemental and break up families), here in Canada they have an obligation first to try to keep the family together in some fashion since it is in the interests of children (in most circumstances) to continue to have contact with their birth parents. You can seek out the aid of the very people who you feel have put you in this situation to give you the tools to acquire back your right to see your son. They will tell you what you need to do, how you need to act, and often provide councillors and courses to assit young parents to cope with the situation. They also normally provide a safe, supervised place to visit with children so that battling birth parents don't need to see each other in the process. You must NEVER, NEVER approach them in anger. If you allow them to dismiss you, they will. So you must cooperate and learn.

When you are down, when you see no way out, you need to admit that you need help, and reach out for it.

You need to understand that ALL people experience anger, depression and sadness. How we control those emotions governs many outcomes in our lives. And many, many people are handicapped by imbalanced brain chemistry (due to many different causes) that makes controlling emotions difficult. Luckily, today's medicine's are so improved, so pinpointed that they can help you without feeling many if any side effects.

In many cases these agencies have access to drug plans to get their clients the help they may need but can't afford (I'm not certain how public health insurance works in the UK, but drugs aren't covered here - they can be however given the circumstances you describe).

In any case you'll never know if you can benefit from any of these options unless you go forward and seek assistance.

[VampUK]

Thats really sad to hear James, but try to be strong. It's gonna hurt not to see your boy but if you go along with the wishes of the court withhout fuss or argument it will only reflect well on you.
Gotta say you ex is being selfish because using your son to hurt you in the long term also hurts him.
I wish you luck mate, don't let the f***ers grind you down and anytime you feel like giving up just remember that your son loves you and needs you to fight for him.

[mangolio]

Ive done it yet again!!
I can stay off the machines when I cant get hold of money and it doesnt really bother me but I got paid yesterday so had money available again so guess what I did.

Yep straight away on my dinner at work at hit the arcade, had to leave about £100 down, after work i was driving home and went past another arcade, mighht aswell try a few quid I thought so in I went, I did well and re coupped my losses and walked out a tenner up for the day.

Then today arrived, I was finishing work at 2 as I was owed some time and i had the feeling inside me that I could not wait to get to the arcade which is really sad. 2 o clock came and off I went straight from work in my work clothes off to coral island as it has a bigger array of machines ( even though I know I wont walk out up as one of them will always take back anything ive won), soon as I went through the door I saw the 4 player elvis sec16 so thought I would try a tenner, played on max spin and got a 3 disc feature for £20 then 4 guitars for a nice £150 and a few other bits, collected the bank at £170 (off a tenner) and was dying to walk out but that little voice was saying Go on play some more and keep a £100 of it. So off I went cruisin through the machines losing on some but winning on others until a made the fatal mistake of sitting down at party time arena, to cut this bit short I walked out skint having spent all my winnings and the £140 I walked in with, all in 1 f*****g machine!! I was in there for 8 hours and they really are clued up by giving you free drinks all day and I even had a dish of Beef curry and rice, ( now eating tea sat at a machine is going ott aint it?)
I am now full of the remorse feeling and trying to work out what I can shave off my bills as I cant pay them all now.

The worst bit of all this is I know it wasnt a one off as I do it every payday and know I will do it next payday.

Any ideas as to how to get out of the vicious routine im in ( and please no one say oh just quit em!)

Sorry for this being so long but thanks if you have read it all.

Andy

[mixer2008]

Good luck to everyone who's trying to give up the froots.

I've been addicted for years and years; it seems to happen in phases, dependng on the state of my personal life (getting divorced, relationship break-ups etc. etc.).

Strangely, if I'm happy in a relationship then I don't touch 'em... I'd rather spend the money on me and a partner to do nice things.

I've just finished a relationship so I've found myself going back to old habits ... big time.

So, I've done what I usually do at times of weakness.

Rip up/Tear up my debit and credit card (too easy to draw out up to £300 a day). Instead, the *only* way I can draw out money is via a savings book at the local Abbey National and I only normally draw out £50 at a time (I transfer a given amount from the my current account to my savings account, see. The amount I transfer is less than I'd normally spend so there's some over to save).

It's a right pain (because I can't get out cash instantly anymore), but it does dramatically reduce my losses, becuase the most I can lose is £50 and normally it's less than this, because some of the £50 will go on day-to-day stuff, and drinks in the pub etc. Let's say I do gamble - and lose - and have to walk 5 miles home ...then I walk 5 miles. Before, I'd draw another £50 off my card (£10 for the cab) and spunk the other £40 on the machines. A long walk not only keeps you fit but focuses the mind somewhat.

Point is... whilst I could go back to the Abbey National to draw out more money, it's a right pain and embarrasing if I had to keep going back. (What would the cashiers think?). Plus, I can only go the bank - and probably queue - between 9am and 5pm. Plus, who's gonna look after the machine for me?

It works for me personally. Restricting the money supply really works, because you adjust the gamble, and change your gameplay, so you hit the smaller jackpot machines, and get a game. And if you lose, it's manageable.

Very soon, you suddenly find you have more money. Don't spunk it - buy something. Anything you want. Or save it; as Ben says, just get it out of the way. Stick it in an ISA or something and tear up the savings book (the bank will send you a replacement if you need it, the idea is to make it difficult for you to get hold of the money).

You'll feel proud that you've restricted your gambling; you won't miss the cards after a well (don't get 'em back either because you'll spend all you've saved quickly, defeating the object), and genuine friends/partners *will* understand. People like people who help themselves.

It's not easy - fruit machines are bloody everywhere these days. Maybe restricting the money supply will help?

All the best.

[jamesb99_1999]

Ive done it yet again!!
I can stay off the machines when I cant get hold of money and it doesnt really bother me but I got paid yesterday so had money available again so guess what I did.

Yep straight away on my dinner at work at hit the arcade, had to leave about £100 down, after work i was driving home and went past another arcade, mighht aswell try a few quid I thought so in I went, I did well and re coupped my losses and walked out a tenner up for the day.

Then today arrived, I was finishing work at 2 as I was owed some time and i had the feeling inside me that I could not wait to get to the arcade which is really sad. 2 o clock came and off I went straight from work in my work clothes off to coral island as it has a bigger array of machines ( even though I know I wont walk out up as one of them will always take back anything ive won), soon as I went through the door I saw the 4 player elvis sec16 so thought I would try a tenner, played on max spin and got a 3 disc feature for £20 then 4 guitars for a nice £150 and a few other bits, collected the bank at £170 (off a tenner) and was dying to walk out but that little voice was saying Go on play some more and keep a £100 of it. So off I went cruisin through the machines losing on some but winning on others until a made the fatal mistake of sitting down at party time arena, to cut this bit short I walked out skint having spent all my winnings and the £140 I walked in with, all in 1 f*****g machine!! I was in there for 8 hours and they really are clued up by giving you free drinks all day and I even had a dish of Beef curry and rice, ( now eating tea sat at a machine is going ott aint it?)
I am now full of the remorse feeling and trying to work out what I can shave off my bills as I cant pay them all now.

The worst bit of all this is I know it wasnt a one off as I do it every payday and know I will do it next payday.

Any ideas as to how to get out of the vicious routine im in ( and please no one say oh just quit em!)

Sorry for this being so long but thanks if you have read it all.

Andy

Been there done that mate - About 10 years ago I confided in my best mate who I trusted 100% and he agreed to handle my money in the short term - sounds pathetic I know- but it worked a treat and I got out of the shit If you have somebody in your life you can trust and confide in I really suggest you bite the bullett and tell them and ask for help!!!! Good luck

[Gazeyre1966]

The boys are coming down to your neck of the woods in a few weeks bud. I'll certainly get you clued. It's all mental. If you can stay off them for X number of weeks then it's all psychological. I'll kick your arse up and down Blackpool prom if you don't listen to me....lol

[mangolio]

Im goin out with you all aswell on the Blackpool doo and was hoping we wouldnt be going in any arcades as i will prob lose all my beer money. Hope we dont end up looking like a bunch of chavs all stood round the machine in a pub lol.