10 replies to this topic

[Darienne]

The rescue workers at the Pakistan flood area say that the smell of bodies is unbearable. They expect it to get worse when they start finding the dead ones.

A charity single has been released in aid of the Pakistan Flood Relief. It's called, "Raindrops Keep Falling On Ahmed."

There were no survivors from that recent Pakistani Airlines plane that crashed, killing all 152 people on board. Both families are devastated.

Paddy got arrested in B & Q today for punching an African woman at the till. He claims it wasn't his fault as his father had told him to go in and get a Black and Decker.

Experts are worried about President Obama's mental state after he pledged millions of dollars of aid to Northern Ireland , following the tragedy of Hurricane Higgins.

A lesbian went for a smear test and the doctor told her, "That's the cleanest vagina I've seen!" The lesbian replied, "Yes, I have a woman in twice a week!"

Paddy and his wife were discussing their sex life. Paddy said, "I want to try that wheelbarrow position tonight."His wife asked, "What is that?"
Paddy told her, "You bend over, put your hands on the floor then I pick your legs up and take you from behind!"His wife said, "Hmm, okay, I'll do it on two conditions. First, if it hurts you stop immediately and, second, ... we don't go down past my mother's house!"

My teenage son told me that he had sex with the neighbour's daughter last night for the first time. "Well done, son," I said, "I hope you used something though?" He replied, "Yeah, a balaclava!"

I went to the doctor while I was on holiday in Bangkok recently, to get my testicles checked out. While the doc was cupping my dangly bits, she said, "Don't worry, it's normal to get an erection during this kind of examination."
I said, "I haven't got an erection!" She replied, "No, but I have!"

Ramadan is here again. The one time of the year when Muslims cannot eat or drink within the hours of daylight, they just starve.Never has the term, "Not enough hours in the day" been more appropriate!

A little Pakistani girl goes to her mother and says, "Mummy, I don't want to be a lesbian when I grow up!" Her mother says, "What makes you think you'll be a lesbian, Minjeeta?"

A bloke was sitting on a bus when a gorgeous woman next to him starts breastfeeding her baby. The baby won't take it so she says, "Come on, eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here." Ten minutes later, the baby is still not feeding so she says again, "Eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here."
The bloke says, "Listen, love, can you make your bloody mind up, I should've got off four stops ago!"

French foreplay: Dinner, wine, sex!
Italian foreplay: Dinner, wine, caressing, sex!
Latino foreplay: Dinner, wine, dancing, caressing, sex!
Scottish foreplay: "Haw, ye awake?"

I fostered a Muslim child yesterday..... all four cans hit him on the head!

The guy who owned the Odeon cinema group has died. His funeral is next Friday at 2.10, 4.20 and 8.40.

I got banned from a Muslim clothes shop today. I only asked for a bomber jacket. Touchy basta*ds!

Why do Cadbury's make white chocolate buttons?
So that black kids can have messy faces as well!

[cardie]

Haaha these are brill, where'd you get them from?

[vectra666]

The rescue workers at the Pakistan flood area say that the smell of bodies is unbearable. They expect it to get worse when they start finding the dead ones.

A charity single has been released in aid of the Pakistan Flood Relief. It's called, "Raindrops Keep Falling On Ahmed."

There were no survivors from that recent Pakistani Airlines plane that crashed, killing all 152 people on board. Both families are devastated.

Paddy got arrested in B & Q today for punching an African woman at the till. He claims it wasn't his fault as his father had told him to go in and get a Black and Decker.

Experts are worried about President Obama's mental state after he pledged millions of dollars of aid to Northern Ireland , following the tragedy of Hurricane Higgins.

A lesbian went for a smear test and the doctor told her, "That's the cleanest vagina I've seen!" The lesbian replied, "Yes, I have a woman in twice a week!"

Paddy and his wife were discussing their sex life. Paddy said, "I want to try that wheelbarrow position tonight."His wife asked, "What is that?"
Paddy told her, "You bend over, put your hands on the floor then I pick your legs up and take you from behind!"His wife said, "Hmm, okay, I'll do it on two conditions. First, if it hurts you stop immediately and, second, ... we don't go down past my mother's house!"

My teenage son told me that he had sex with the neighbour's daughter last night for the first time. "Well done, son," I said, "I hope you used something though?" He replied, "Yeah, a balaclava!"

I went to the doctor while I was on holiday in Bangkok recently, to get my testicles checked out. While the doc was cupping my dangly bits, she said, "Don't worry, it's normal to get an erection during this kind of examination."
I said, "I haven't got an erection!" She replied, "No, but I have!"

Ramadan is here again. The one time of the year when Muslims cannot eat or drink within the hours of daylight, they just starve.Never has the term, "Not enough hours in the day" been more appropriate!

A little Pakistani girl goes to her mother and says, "Mummy, I don't want to be a lesbian when I grow up!" Her mother says, "What makes you think you'll be a lesbian, Minjeeta?"

A bloke was sitting on a bus when a gorgeous woman next to him starts breastfeeding her baby. The baby won't take it so she says, "Come on, eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here." Ten minutes later, the baby is still not feeding so she says again, "Eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here."
The bloke says, "Listen, love, can you make your bloody mind up, I should've got off four stops ago!"

French foreplay: Dinner, wine, sex!
Italian foreplay: Dinner, wine, caressing, sex!
Latino foreplay: Dinner, wine, dancing, caressing, sex!
Scottish foreplay: "Haw, ye awake?"

I fostered a Muslim child yesterday..... all four cans hit him on the head!

The guy who owned the Odeon cinema group has died. His funeral is next Friday at 2.10, 4.20 and 8.40.

I got banned from a Muslim clothes shop today. I only asked for a bomber jacket. Touchy basta*ds!

Why do Cadbury's make white chocolate buttons?
So that black kids can have messy faces as well!

great jokes made me laugh loads

[cashbox1]

what football team do they support in Coronation Street ?? Tram Near Rovers LMAO

[PJ]

Haaha these are brill, where'd you get them from?

www.sickipedia.org I'll bet...


(WARNING - NOTHING IS OFF-LIMITS!!!)

Edited by PJ, 10 January 2011 - 07:43 AM.

[cashbox1]

Gary Glitter has applied for the Aston Villa managers job after hearing that their new strikers are Young and Bent.....

[PJ]

Gary Glitter has applied for the Aston Villa managers job after hearing that their new strikers are Young and Bent.....

Yeh, and they might have been getting Keane as well...

[cashbox1]

A guy is in a bus station, and goes into the men's room to piss. When he walks in he sees a leprechaun with the most enormous dick he had ever seen. As he pees, he cannot avoid spying on the giant member of the tiny man dressed in green. The leprechaun zips up and the man asks him if he is indeed a real leprechaun.
The little man says, "Aye me boy, I'm a leprechaun, and I can grant you three wishes."
"Oh neat," comes the reply, "What do I need to do?"
"Well, havin' such a large cock makes it a bit awkward with the ladies, the thing not fittin' and all... I'll grant you your three wishes if you wouldn't mind suckin' me dick until I come." The man is a bit taken aback, but agrees, because he knows he can wish for anything he wants later. After the green man has come, he starts to walk away.
The guy says, "Hey, what about my three wishes?" The leprechaun asks, "How old are you me boy?"
"25," he says.
"Aren't you a bit too old to still be believin' in leprechauns?"


When Mrs. Ghandi went to Moscow, Khrushchev took her for a tour of the city in his limo. Recalling his visit to India, He started giving her a hard time about the sanitary conditions there.
"When I was in Delhi, I saw human excrement lying everywhere."
Poor Mrs. Ghandi was terribly embarrassed, but only for a moment, because just ahead was a man sitting on his heels, shitting on the side of the road. She pointed this out.
Khrushchev was livid and didn't hesitate: "Driver, get out immediately and shoot that man!"
The driver got out, walked up to the man with his gun drawn, spoke briefly, and then returned to the car.
"Sir, I can't shoot that man, he's the Indian ambassador."


2 tramps outside a circumcision clinic are eating from out of the bins, the one turns to his mate and says "hear,i dont think much of these crunchy onion rings"

[Darienne]

This is a story about 4 people, named everyc***, somec***, anyc***, and noc***.
One day there was a job that needed doing and somec*** was asked to do it, everyc*** was sure somec*** would do it, but noc*** did it. Everyc*** got angry because it was somec***s job, noc*** realised that anyc*** could have done it, it ended up with everyc*** blaming somec*** and noc*** doing what anyc*** could have done.

I think I work with these c***s.

---------------------------

Paddy & Mick in the jungle see a man's head sticking out of a crocodiles mouth, Paddy says look at that posh git in his lacoste sleeping bag!!!!!!!!

Edited by Darienne, 24 February 2011 - 12:12 PM.

[cashbox1]

I wish everyone would stop criticising Jimmy Savile. When I was 8, he fixed it for me to milk a cow blindfolded.