5 replies to this topic

[Daryl]

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.
His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.
While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.
After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business.
About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched.
As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm!

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Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.

A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air!

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The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both!

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A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman!

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Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'return to sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits!

[Shooer magooer]

The one with the diver in the forest is an urban legend...it was even on CSI Las Vegas

[cashbox1]

and i thought i was unlucky - sheer class

[jim2311]

Mmmm...what terrorist is going to put their real name and return address on a letter or package designed to harm.

"Oh look, we've got a suspicious letter from that well known terrorist Khay Rahnajet, lets open it and see what he has to say... maybe there's a clue inside as to where he's hiding"

Now if someone wanted him dead they could post the letter to whoever with insufficient funds, knowing it would be returned to the name and address of the sender. He would then unwittingly open the letter while trying to remember when or why he sent it and then....boom. Ah but...I hear you say, would he not recognize that the writing was not his.
Well I thought of that and...oops, the wife's calling...got to go...later guys.

[nails]

heres one i spotted in a womans own some 20 years ago -

A desperate single dad of 3 who was on the dole and no pennies to rub together, plucked up the corage to do a bank job. he scrapped together 300 to buy a gun and picked out a post office to do the dirty deed. he robbed the post office at gun point and got 220 for his efforts (yes hes 80 short!) the police captured him within hours as somebody spotted his clothes.

The money was returned to the post office and the gun confiscated, it was while in his prison cell awaiting his sentence that it was realised his gun was a limited edition smith and wesson. valued at a cool.......
















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£20,000!!!!!!
poor bastard