God it's so nice to be back home with internet access and what-not. Didn't realise how much I relied on it!
Anyway, managed to post the above post on a rare trip out, even when I went driving about with the parents (dad driving) I barely managed to get a signal anywhere so forum access was nigh-on impossible.
The bad news? I lost the plot completely. I went back to my old routine of 'angry' gambling - that is, when something pissed me off, I went for a gamble. At home it's easy to escape - go for a drive, play video games, or hide in my den (well, garage). The easiest option, which I stupidly took, was to gamble. Looking back, it wasn't even gambling. It was shovelling note after note into machines, paying very little attention to what I was actually doing, and playing 'all or nothing'. Utterly stupid behaviour. I have no idea why I did it because I wouldn't have been happy if I'd won, it was almost like I just wanted to bin my money to punish myself.
Feel absolutely fine now I'm back at home and have no intention of gambling again. However, it does mean that my loss this week is £400. I withdrew £450 over two days there, and have come back with £100 in coins. However I took £50. Other things were paid for on card.
Stupid, isn't it? I've had a credit card sitting there with a £600 balance, I could have paid most of that off, or bought some of the many gadgets I've been indecisive about... or even put it into my savings account.
Nope, I got about 2 hours worth of being angry for that money. Bargain!
In slightly better news, I was in a bad mood before I left as my boss told me I should have received a letter by now (I'm temporary and my contract was up soon), so my job was very much 'in the air' and I felt my employer had let me down. Got back today, still no letter. Called them, and it's been sat at work for bloody ages. Turns out they are keeping me on so there's a permanent contract waiting for me, but still rather f**ked off they didn't let me know it was there before my holiday, as it would have been a HUGE load off my mind.
Can't blame the gambling on that though, or the fact I was angry. It was just very (seriously, incredibly) poor judgement on my part. As always with me, I can't have 'a quick fiver', not even on 5p / 10p play machines. As soon as that first coin goes into the slot, I lose any control whatsoever and know that from past experience. I know it even more now.
So, total losses this year to date, £410. That's a pretty epic fail, but still, if I can make it through the rest of the year without being so stupid, I can actually look back on it as being an improvement, albeit a minor one.