2120 replies to this topic

[jay2]

This bloke goes for a checkup and is told to go back to his doctors in a weeks time for the results.
A week later he goes to his doctor for the results...
"I think you should sit down sir" says the doctor.
"Something wrong doc?" says the bloke
"Its bad news im afraid" says the doc
"Tell me doc, i can take it" says the bloke
"You have not got long to live" says the doc
"How long doc, be honest with me" says the bloke
"10" says the doc
"10 what doc?..10 months?...10 weeks...10 days?" says the bloke
"9" says the doc!

[stevedude2]

What's got two heads and f***s women?











Peter Sutcliffe's hammer.

[stevedude2]

A newly-wed young couple go to the doctors for a check up. A week later they return and go in to see the doctor.

Doctor - Take a seat, I have some news for you
Couple - What is it, Doc?
Doctor - Well, put it this way, I think you're going to need to start buying nappies soon!
Girl - Oh that's wonderful! You mean I'm pregnant?







Doctor - No. I mean you've got bowel cancer.

[RB]

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get to the cabin, the guy goes out to chop some wood to start the fireplace. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!" To that she replies "Well, come here and I'll warm them between my legs." He goes out a couple of more times and does the same thing. After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night. When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!" She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"

[RB]

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming."
What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my nuts ."
The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

[rarnold]

I am prepared for any backlash, but please remember it's only a joke.....

Three blondes are stuck on a desert island when one finds a magic lamp (as you do). they rub the lamp and a genie pops out, giving each of them a wish.
The first blonde says, "I wish I was 10% smarter so I could get off this island"
*POOF* she turns into a redhead and swims off the island
The second blonde sees this and says "I wish I was 25% smarter so I could get off this island"
*POOF* She turns into a brunette and makes a raft from the trees on the island and sails off.
The third blonde sees this and says "I wish I was 50% smarter so I could get off this island"
*POOF* she turns into a man and walks across the bridge.

[deadsy]

Hi all, Deadsy here. I've got a good joke, but it's a bit homemade. I think it's one of those jokes that's only funny if you don't get it. Anyway, here goes:


Bloke walks into a pub with his friend, a little blue-eyed, blonde-haired fella who's all dressed up in animal furs and carrying a bow and arrow. He walks up to the bar and says "Two pints of bitter and two bags of nuts please barman". The barman pours the drinks and puts them on the counter with the two bags of nuts and then asks "Would you like a nice big faceful of radioactive cancer gas to go with them beers sir?" to which the bloke replies "No thanks, it's bad for my elf!"

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Ahaha ha ha ha ha ahahaha!! Good one eh? Of course, could never happen, everyone knows elves don't really exist.

[Dr DX]

Hi all, Deadsy here. I've got a good joke, but it's a bit homemade. I think it's one of those jokes that's only funny if you don't get it. Anyway, here goes:


Bloke walks into a pub with his friend, a little blue-eyed, blonde-haired fella who's all dressed up in animal furs and carrying a bow and arrow. He walks up to the bar and says "Two pints of bitter and two bags of nuts please barman". The barman pours the drinks and puts them on the counter with the two bags of nuts and then asks "Would you like a nice big faceful of radioactive cancer gas to go with them beers sir?" to which the bloke replies "No thanks, it's bad for my elf!"

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Ahaha ha ha ha ha ahahaha!! Good one eh? Of course, could never happen, everyone knows elves don't really exist.

booooooooooooooooo boooooooooooooooooooo boooooooooooo

urs was funny rarnold

[PJ]

Why is Satan the worst person to be stuck behind in the Post Office queue?

Because "the Devil takes many forms"...


Where's my avatar gone?

[mrgspot]

A newly-wed young couple go to the doctors for a check up. A week later they return and go in to see the doctor.

Doctor - Take a seat, I have some news for you
Couple - What is it, Doc?
Doctor - Well, put it this way, I think you're going to need to start buying nappies soon!
Girl - Oh that's wonderful! You mean I'm pregnant?







Doctor - No. I mean you've got bowel cancer.

Ouch Dude, My grandad died of Bowl Cancer, not a pleasant thing to have... Excuse me if I do not laugh at your joke Steve.....

[RB]

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!"
Then the teacher reluctantly called on Tony.
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f*****g beautiful!' "

[fruitsalad989]

how do u know when a mans lying?







WHEN HIS MOUTH MOVES.

[Dr DX]

how do u know when a mans lying?







WHEN HIS MOUTH MOVES.

ooooooooooooooo.......take it your a woman then?


women your all nags, nags i tell ye nags!

that says it all he he

[RB]

RB is a Ventriloquist......

[fruitsalad989]

Erm Never Lol Ok Im A Woman Lol Just Thought I Would Add My Pennys Worth.

[mrgspot]

Erm Never Lol Ok Im A Woman Lol Just Thought I Would Add My Pennys Worth.

A women intersted in Fruities, Now that is something you never see every day, maybee you would like to remind my misses how entertaining and addictive these electronic money makers are. She would never believe me if I told her your a member here lol!!

[fruitsalad989]

MRGSPOT they are very addictive and u lose loads of good earned money on them but 1ns ya start u cant stop lol.

[Dr DX]

MRGSPOT they are very addictive and u lose loads of good earned money on them but 1ns ya start u cant stop lol.

like women nagging once they start nagging they cant stop he he

[fruitsalad989]

Bloodshed U Is So Cheeky Lol Im Not Moaning Im Just Stating A Fact Lol.

[mrgspot]

Bloodshed U Is So Cheeky Lol Im Not Moaning Im Just Stating A Fact Lol.

i love moaning women, cause it givres me an excuse to put my bins on and listen to some tunes??