Jan 2
-----
An elderly couple took a class to improve their memory.
Later their son asked his father the name of the teacher.
"Oh," said the old man.
"What's that flower - smells nice, prickly...."
"A Rose?" suggests his son.
"That's it!" exclaimed the old man.
"Rose, what was the name of our teacher?"
2120 replies to this topic
#301
mazooma
-
- Regulars
-
- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 02 January 2008 - 09:53 PM
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#302
mazooma
-
- Regulars
-
- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 03 January 2008 - 04:05 PM
Jan 3
-----
A couple were leaving a party where the husband had flirted with all the women.
"Honey," the wife said "has anyone ever told you how sexy and irresistible to women you are?"
Flattered, he answered, "No they haven't."
She snapped, "Then whatever gave you the idea that you were ??"
-----
A couple were leaving a party where the husband had flirted with all the women.
"Honey," the wife said "has anyone ever told you how sexy and irresistible to women you are?"
Flattered, he answered, "No they haven't."
She snapped, "Then whatever gave you the idea that you were ??"
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#303
bri365
-
- Regulars
-
- 724 posts
Master Joker
Posted 03 January 2008 - 04:37 PM
Imagine my suprise, when taking the decorations out of the loft this Christmas, I found a present I brought my daughter last year. The look of wonder on her face has she ripped the paper off. Shame I had to chose last year to get her a puppy.
Come here to post jokes, oh and to play the occasional frutie.
#304
mazooma
-
- Regulars
-
- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 04 January 2008 - 07:23 PM
Jan 4
-----
A man goes over to his blonde colleague and says, "Would you like to buy a raffle ticket? Janice in the warehouse died suddenly last week. It's for her husband and kids."
"No thanks," the blonde replies.
"I already have a husband and kids of my own."
-----
A man goes over to his blonde colleague and says, "Would you like to buy a raffle ticket? Janice in the warehouse died suddenly last week. It's for her husband and kids."
"No thanks," the blonde replies.
"I already have a husband and kids of my own."
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#305
mazooma
-
- Regulars
-
- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 05 January 2008 - 09:06 PM
Jan 5
-----
Aircraft maintenance requests an maintenance crew responses:
Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Maintenance: Something tightened in cockpit.
Pilot: Evidence of leak in main landing gear.
Maintenance: Evidence removed.
-----
Aircraft maintenance requests an maintenance crew responses:
Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Maintenance: Something tightened in cockpit.
Pilot: Evidence of leak in main landing gear.
Maintenance: Evidence removed.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#306
mazooma
-
- Regulars
-
- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 06 January 2008 - 02:35 PM
Jan 6
-----
Why do chicken coops have two doors?
Because if they had four doors they'd be chicken sedans.
-----
Why do chicken coops have two doors?
Because if they had four doors they'd be chicken sedans.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#307
mazooma
-
- Regulars
-
- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 07 January 2008 - 07:04 PM
Jan 7
-----
What's the difference between a musician and a savings bond ?
One of them will eventually mature and earn money.
-----
What's the difference between a musician and a savings bond ?
One of them will eventually mature and earn money.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#308
mazooma
-
- Regulars
-
- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 08 January 2008 - 07:17 PM
Jan 8
-----
"Doctor doctor, I keep stealing things!"
"Take one of these pills, and if that doesn't work, bring me back a Ferrari."
-----
"Doctor doctor, I keep stealing things!"
"Take one of these pills, and if that doesn't work, bring me back a Ferrari."
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#309
mazooma
-
- Regulars
-
- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 09 January 2008 - 07:24 PM
Jan 9
-----
An applicant was being interviewed for admission to medical school and was asked where he expected to be in ten years time.
"Well," he said, "it's Wednesday afternoon, so I guess I'd be on the golf couse about now."
-----
An applicant was being interviewed for admission to medical school and was asked where he expected to be in ten years time.
"Well," he said, "it's Wednesday afternoon, so I guess I'd be on the golf couse about now."
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#310
mazooma
-
- Regulars
-
- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 10 January 2008 - 06:28 PM
Jan 10 - Happy Birthday to me!!
------------------------------
Two hydrogen atoms were walking along the street when one of them stopped suddenly.
"What's the matter?" asked the other.
"I think I've lost an electron," the first atom replied.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I'm positive!"
------------------------------
Two hydrogen atoms were walking along the street when one of them stopped suddenly.
"What's the matter?" asked the other.
"I think I've lost an electron," the first atom replied.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I'm positive!"
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#311
stu55554
-
- New Members
-
- 757 posts
Qualified IT Technition
Posted 11 January 2008 - 01:15 PM
thease r all shite
toddy likes to change signatures as he has nothing better to do..
#312
duplu
-
- Regulars
-
- 2857 posts
Previous Owner
Posted 11 January 2008 - 01:56 PM
Jan 4
-----
A man goes over to his blonde colleague and says, "Would you like to buy a raffle ticket? Janice in the warehouse died suddenly last week. It's for her husband and kids."
"No thanks," the blonde replies.
"I already have a husband and kids of my own."
thease r all shite
Chill out! This one made me spit my tea all over the place.
#313
todd1970
-
- Regulars
-
- 6818 posts
The furniture
Posted 11 January 2008 - 02:09 PM
Chill out! This one made me spit my tea all over the place.
I read the one about the guy that asks his missus to go fishing with him and the dog.
I fookin choked on ma beer..sprayed all over my moniter.
Beer that is.
Mmmmmm...Sandy ive 'ad her ye know. 
#314
stevedude2
-
- Regulars
-
- 1043 posts
Senior Member
Posted 11 January 2008 - 02:19 PM
There was a kid at school who had a nut allergy.
We made him play Russian Roulette with a packet of Revels...
We made him play Russian Roulette with a packet of Revels...
Watch out! There's a SIG thief about...
#315
hitthesix
-
- Layout Creator
-
- 3382 posts
Layout Designer
Posted 11 January 2008 - 08:04 PM
Jan 4
-----
A man goes over to his blonde colleague and says, "Would you like to buy a raffle ticket? Janice in the warehouse died suddenly last week. It's for her husband and kids."
"No thanks," the blonde replies.
"I already have a husband and kids of my own."
pmsl @ that one.
#316
mazooma
-
- Regulars
-
- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 11 January 2008 - 08:05 PM
Jan 11
------
Two nuns are painting the convent and decide to do it naked to protect their habits. There's a knock at the door, a man calls out, "Hello, it's the blind man." As he's blind they decide to let him in. They open the door, and he says, "Nice tits. Now, where do you want the new blinds?"
------
Two nuns are painting the convent and decide to do it naked to protect their habits. There's a knock at the door, a man calls out, "Hello, it's the blind man." As he's blind they decide to let him in. They open the door, and he says, "Nice tits. Now, where do you want the new blinds?"
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#317
mazooma
-
- Regulars
-
- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 12 January 2008 - 04:34 PM
Jan 12
------
Confucius say: A fool and his money are soon elected.
---------------------------------------------------
Newcatle chairman is walking down the street when he sees an old lady stuggling with some heavy bags. He says to her, "Can you manage luv?"
She says, "f*** off, I don't want the poxy job."
------
Confucius say: A fool and his money are soon elected.
---------------------------------------------------
Newcatle chairman is walking down the street when he sees an old lady stuggling with some heavy bags. He says to her, "Can you manage luv?"
She says, "f*** off, I don't want the poxy job."
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#318
mazooma
-
- Regulars
-
- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 13 January 2008 - 03:45 PM
Jan 13
------
What are two things you can't have for breakfast ?
Lunch and dinner.
------
What are two things you can't have for breakfast ?
Lunch and dinner.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#319
cashbox1
-
- Layout Creator
-
- 2553 posts
The furniture
Posted 13 January 2008 - 08:04 PM
two nuns go into a greengrocers shop,one of the nuns asks the assistant "how much are the cucumbers?" ,the assistant replies- "a pound for three". the first nun then turns to her colleague and says "ah feck it, we can always eat the other one!" 
Einstein`s theory of FME 90 downloads = 3 thanks
#320
mazooma
-
- Regulars
-
- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 14 January 2008 - 06:46 PM
Jan 14
------
During the weekly staff meeting, the boss tries out some new jokes he's heard. Everyone laughs hysterically - except for one man , who doesn't even smile.
"Were's your sense of humour?" asks the boss.
"I'm leaving on Friday," the man replies. "I don't have to laugh."
------
During the weekly staff meeting, the boss tries out some new jokes he's heard. Everyone laughs hysterically - except for one man , who doesn't even smile.
"Were's your sense of humour?" asks the boss.
"I'm leaving on Friday," the man replies. "I don't have to laugh."
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
4 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 3 guests, 0 anonymous users
-
Bing (1)
