Jan 15
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A man walks into a doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's wrong with me?" he askes the doctor.
The doctor replied, "You're not eating properly."
2120 replies to this topic
#321
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 15 January 2008 - 06:23 PM
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#322
PJ
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Condom Testing Department
Posted 16 January 2008 - 06:27 PM
Another one from my mate's little 'un:-
Q - Which Hollywood actor would be a great advertiser for toothpaste?
A - Dental Washington
Q - Which Hollywood actor would be a great advertiser for toothpaste?
A - Dental Washington
Winning is not a crime...
NEITHER IS SWEARING!!!
NEITHER IS SWEARING!!!
#323
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 16 January 2008 - 07:19 PM
Jan 16
------
A man was visiting his doctor for a check-up.
Parient: Doctor, If I give up beer, girls and partying, would I live for a long time?
Doctor: I'm afraid not. It would just feel like a long time.
------
A man was visiting his doctor for a check-up.
Parient: Doctor, If I give up beer, girls and partying, would I live for a long time?
Doctor: I'm afraid not. It would just feel like a long time.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#324
todd1970
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The furniture
Posted 16 January 2008 - 09:04 PM
Jan 11
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Two nuns are painting the convent and decide to do it naked to protect their habits. There's a knock at the door, a man calls out, "Hello, it's the blind man." As he's blind they decide to let him in. They open the door, and he says, "Nice tits. Now, where do you want the new blinds?"
Jan 12
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Confucius say: A fool and his money are soon elected.
---------------------------------------------------
Newcatle chairman is walking down the street when he sees an old lady stuggling with some heavy bags. He says to her, "Can you manage luv?"
She says, "f*** off, I don't want the poxy job."
Jan 13
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What are two things you can't have for breakfast ?
Lunch and dinner.
Jan 14
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During the weekly staff meeting, the boss tries out some new jokes he's heard. Everyone laughs hysterically - except for one man , who doesn't even smile.
"Were's your sense of humour?" asks the boss.
"I'm leaving on Friday," the man replies. "I don't have to laugh."
Jan 15
------
A man walks into a doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's wrong with me?" he askes the doctor.
The doctor replied, "You're not eating properly."
Jan 16
------
A man was visiting his doctor for a check-up.
Parient: Doctor, If I give up beer, girls and partying, would I live for a long time?
Doctor: I'm afraid not. It would just feel like a long time.
Mazooma..do you intend posting 366 jokes this year ?
Every day numbered ?
Ye better cos ill hold ye to it.
Mmmmmm...Sandy ive 'ad her ye know. 
#325
cashbox1
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The furniture
Posted 16 January 2008 - 09:47 PM
******NEWS FLASH******
Thieves have stolen the entire contents of
Birmingham City FC`s Trophy room- Police are said
to be looking for someone with a royal blue carpet:lol:
Einstein`s theory of FME 90 downloads = 3 thanks
#326
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 16 January 2008 - 09:56 PM
Mazooma..do you intend posting 366 jokes this year ?
Every day numbered ?
Ye better cos ill hold ye to it.
350 to go
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#327
mazooma
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- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 17 January 2008 - 06:57 PM
Jan 17
------
Useful definitions for new parents:
Sterilize: What you do to the first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and the last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
Thumderstorm: A chance to see how many family members can fit in one bed.
------
Useful definitions for new parents:
Sterilize: What you do to the first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and the last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
Thumderstorm: A chance to see how many family members can fit in one bed.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#328
mazooma
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- Regulars
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- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 18 January 2008 - 08:00 PM
Jan 18
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Two blondes were out walking when they came across some tracks. One thought they were rabbit tracks and the other thought they were fox tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
------
Two blondes were out walking when they came across some tracks. One thought they were rabbit tracks and the other thought they were fox tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#329
mazooma
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- Regulars
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- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 19 January 2008 - 03:12 PM
Jan 19
------
Aircraft maintenance requests and maintenance crew responses:
Pilot: IFF inoperative
Maintainence: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Pilot: Friction locks causing throttle levers to stick.
Maintainence: That's what they're for.
------
Aircraft maintenance requests and maintenance crew responses:
Pilot: IFF inoperative
Maintainence: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Pilot: Friction locks causing throttle levers to stick.
Maintainence: That's what they're for.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#330
mazooma
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- Regulars
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- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 20 January 2008 - 12:04 PM
Jan 20
------
What do you call a young goat that goes to see a psychiatrist ?
A mixed-up kid.
------
What do you call a young goat that goes to see a psychiatrist ?
A mixed-up kid.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#331
DildoDez
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Senior Member
Posted 20 January 2008 - 04:39 PM
What do you call a pakistani lesbian?
Mingeta
Mingeta
#332
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 21 January 2008 - 06:11 PM
Jan 21
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Funny newspaper headlines:
Something went wrong in jet crash, expert says.
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers.
Man found dead in graveyard.
------
Funny newspaper headlines:
Something went wrong in jet crash, expert says.
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers.
Man found dead in graveyard.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#333
PJ
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- New Members
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Condom Testing Department
Posted 22 January 2008 - 10:19 AM
Is it just coincidence that the word 'PSYCHOPATH' is very nearly an anagram of 'HAPPY SCOT'?...
I'm so gonna get chibbed for that...
I'm so gonna get chibbed for that...
Winning is not a crime...
NEITHER IS SWEARING!!!
NEITHER IS SWEARING!!!
#334
todd1970
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The furniture
Posted 22 January 2008 - 12:51 PM
Is it just coincidence that the word 'PSYCHOPATH' is very nearly an anagram of 'HAPPY SCOT'?...
I'm so gonna get chibbed for that...
Not chibbed PJ..just banned
Mmmmmm...Sandy ive 'ad her ye know.
#335
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 22 January 2008 - 06:40 PM
Jan 22
------
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
oh God..... 346 to go.....
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What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
oh God..... 346 to go.....
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#336
mazooma
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- Regulars
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- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 23 January 2008 - 09:34 PM
Jan 23
------
Patient: "Doctor, if I give up wine, women and song, will I live longer ? "
Doctor: "No. It'll just seem like it."
------
Patient: "Doctor, if I give up wine, women and song, will I live longer ? "
Doctor: "No. It'll just seem like it."
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#337
mazooma
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- Regulars
-
- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 24 January 2008 - 08:29 PM
Jan 24
------
Sign in an Eastern European room:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
------
Sign in an Eastern European room:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#338
todd1970
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- Regulars
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- 6818 posts
The furniture
Posted 24 January 2008 - 11:15 PM
350 to go
Jan 17
------
Useful definitions for new parents:
Sterilize: What you do to the first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and the last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
Thumderstorm: A chance to see how many family members can fit in one bed.
Jan 18
------
Two blondes were out walking when they came across some tracks. One thought they were rabbit tracks and the other thought they were fox tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Jan 19
------
Aircraft maintenance requests and maintenance crew responses:
Pilot: IFF inoperative
Maintainence: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Pilot: Friction locks causing throttle levers to stick.
Maintainence: That's what they're for.
Jan 20
------
What do you call a young goat that goes to see a psychiatrist ?
A mixed-up kid.
Jan 21
------
Funny newspaper headlines:
Something went wrong in jet crash, expert says.
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers.
Man found dead in graveyard.
Jan 22
------
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
oh God..... 346 to go.....
Jan 23
------
Patient: "Doctor, if I give up wine, women and song, will I live longer ? "
Doctor: "No. It'll just seem like it."
Jan 24
------
Sign in an Eastern European room:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
Yup..im watching ya me laddie.
Mmmmmm...Sandy ive 'ad her ye know.
#339
mazooma
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- Regulars
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- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 25 January 2008 - 07:40 PM
Jan 25
------
A passenger presented her ticket to Houston at the airline counter.
"I'd like you to send this suitcase to Hawaii and this one to London," she told the agent.
The confused agent said, "I'm sorry ma'am, but we can't do that."
"Really?" said the passenger.
"That's what you did last time!"
------
A passenger presented her ticket to Houston at the airline counter.
"I'd like you to send this suitcase to Hawaii and this one to London," she told the agent.
The confused agent said, "I'm sorry ma'am, but we can't do that."
"Really?" said the passenger.
"That's what you did last time!"
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#340
mazooma
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- Regulars
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- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 26 January 2008 - 05:39 PM
Jan 26
------
An elderly couple die in an accident and go to heaven together.
St. Peter gives them tour and shows the their condo, with a pool, ocean view, tennis court, golf course and bar.
"Just think," hisses the husband,
"We'd have been here ten years ago if you hadn't insisted on stupid oat bran, low-fat food and exercise!"
------
An elderly couple die in an accident and go to heaven together.
St. Peter gives them tour and shows the their condo, with a pool, ocean view, tennis court, golf course and bar.
"Just think," hisses the husband,
"We'd have been here ten years ago if you hadn't insisted on stupid oat bran, low-fat food and exercise!"
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
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