Feb 8
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Medical terms:
Seizure : A Roman emperor.
Enema : Not a friend.
2120 replies to this topic
#361
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 08 February 2008 - 07:56 PM
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#362
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 09 February 2008 - 02:33 PM
Feb 9
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Father: John, why are you doing your multiplication homework on the floor?
John : Because the teacher said I had to do it without using tables.
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Father: John, why are you doing your multiplication homework on the floor?
John : Because the teacher said I had to do it without using tables.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#363
baz
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Busy ...
Posted 09 February 2008 - 03:05 PM
A wife comes home telling her husband that she wants a boob job.
husband - Well if thats what you really want then OK,
but you have to try something for a few weeks first.
wife - Alright what is it?
husband - Every night before you go to bed rub toilet paper all over them.
wife - What! How in the hell is that supposed to make my tit bigger.
husband - hell look how big it made your ass.
husband - Well if thats what you really want then OK,
but you have to try something for a few weeks first.
wife - Alright what is it?
husband - Every night before you go to bed rub toilet paper all over them.
wife - What! How in the hell is that supposed to make my tit bigger.
husband - hell look how big it made your ass.
#364
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 10 February 2008 - 02:17 PM
Feb 10
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly.
And for the same reason.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly.
And for the same reason.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#365
baz
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Busy ...
Posted 11 February 2008 - 05:35 PM
If you've not heard this 1 before, well worth a listen - hilarious 
A phone salesman gets his comeuppance - TomMade.wmv
DownloadCow.Com - Free File Hosting - Host Your Files For Free
A phone salesman gets his comeuppance - TomMade.wmv
DownloadCow.Com - Free File Hosting - Host Your Files For Free
#366
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 11 February 2008 - 06:24 PM
Feb 11
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What do you call a man with a rug on his head ?
Matt.
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What do you call a man with a rug on his head ?
Matt.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#367
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 12 February 2008 - 06:04 PM
Feb 12
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What do you call a woman who climbs walls?
Ivy.
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What do you call a woman who climbs walls?
Ivy.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#368
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 13 February 2008 - 06:39 PM
Feb 13
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Leaving a bar at 2 a.m. , a man decides he is too drunk to drive.
As he walks home he's stopped by a police officer.
"What are you doing here?" she asks.
"I'm going to a lecture," the man replies.
"Oh, sure. And who's giving you this 2 a.m. lecture?"
"My wife."
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Leaving a bar at 2 a.m. , a man decides he is too drunk to drive.
As he walks home he's stopped by a police officer.
"What are you doing here?" she asks.
"I'm going to a lecture," the man replies.
"Oh, sure. And who's giving you this 2 a.m. lecture?"
"My wife."
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#369
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 14 February 2008 - 07:56 PM
Feb 14 
---------
Bill was in a bar when a drunk came rushing in. "Bill," cried the drunk.
"Someone stole your Porsche!"
"Oh no! Did you try and stop them?" Asked Bill.
"Even better! I got the licence plate."
---------
Bill was in a bar when a drunk came rushing in. "Bill," cried the drunk.
"Someone stole your Porsche!"
"Oh no! Did you try and stop them?" Asked Bill.
"Even better! I got the licence plate."
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#370
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 15 February 2008 - 08:03 PM
Feb 15
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What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?
Dam!
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What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?
Dam!
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#371
mazooma
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- Regulars
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 16 February 2008 - 03:35 PM
Feb 16
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What do you call a man who's always there when you need him?
Andy.
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What do you call a man who's always there when you need him?
Andy.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#372
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 17 February 2008 - 02:39 PM
Feb 17 - I love Sundays me
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What's round and dangerous?
A vicious circle.
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What's round and dangerous?
A vicious circle.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#373
mazooma
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- Regulars
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- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 18 February 2008 - 08:03 PM
Feb 18
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A graduate in a job interview was asked what salary he wanted. He replied, "$200,000."
The interviewer said, "Well, how about that, six weeks' vacation, full medical and dental, a company credit card, and a company car - a Porsche?"
"Wow, are you kidding?" gasped the graduate.
The interviewer said, "Of course. But you started it."
------
A graduate in a job interview was asked what salary he wanted. He replied, "$200,000."
The interviewer said, "Well, how about that, six weeks' vacation, full medical and dental, a company credit card, and a company car - a Porsche?"
"Wow, are you kidding?" gasped the graduate.
The interviewer said, "Of course. But you started it."
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#374
PJ
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Condom Testing Department
Posted 19 February 2008 - 04:24 PM
What's the difference between a fox and a pig?
Marriage...
Marriage...
Winning is not a crime...
NEITHER IS SWEARING!!!
NEITHER IS SWEARING!!!
#375
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 19 February 2008 - 06:43 PM
Feb 19
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A woman called her friend from her deathbed. "Susan," she said, "when I die, I want you to make sure I'm cremated."
"Ok," replied Susan. What do you want done with the ashes?"
"Put them in an envelope and send them to the IRS with a note saying,'Now you have everything.'"
------
A woman called her friend from her deathbed. "Susan," she said, "when I die, I want you to make sure I'm cremated."
"Ok," replied Susan. What do you want done with the ashes?"
"Put them in an envelope and send them to the IRS with a note saying,'Now you have everything.'"
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#376
mazooma
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- Regulars
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- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 20 February 2008 - 06:26 PM
Feb 20
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Useful definitions for new parents:
Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pyjamas.
Weaker sex: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
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Useful definitions for new parents:
Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pyjamas.
Weaker sex: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#377
raverpat
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Retired punter of 16 years
Posted 20 February 2008 - 09:55 PM
Stop it Mazoomabelle... you are killing us.
Let's smash Partytime.
#378
todd1970
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The furniture
Posted 20 February 2008 - 10:47 PM
Stop it Mazoomabelle... you are killing us.
He cant..hes on a mission to post a joke every single day throught this year.
We have a deal and if he fails his mission ill set Alth on him.
Mmmmmm...Sandy ive 'ad her ye know. 
#379
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 21 February 2008 - 05:21 PM
Feb 21 - Ooohhh, I'm scared.
----------------------------
A woman has the last say in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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A woman has the last say in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#380
mazooma
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- Regulars
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- 915 posts
I'm not dead yet
Posted 22 February 2008 - 07:33 PM
Feb 22
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A frog rang the psychic hotline.
He was told , "You're going to meet a beautiful young woman. She'll want to know all about you."
"That's great!" said the frog. "Can you tell me where I'll meet her?"
"Next semester, in her biology class."
------
A frog rang the psychic hotline.
He was told , "You're going to meet a beautiful young woman. She'll want to know all about you."
"That's great!" said the frog. "Can you tell me where I'll meet her?"
"Next semester, in her biology class."
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
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