A skull and a set of jump leads walk up to a bar..
Bouncer: Not tonight, lads.
Skull: Why not?
Bouncer: Cause you're out of your head, and he's going to start something!
2120 replies to this topic
#801
RB
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Posted 08 September 2008 - 11:30 PM
Cyberpunk:- alienated loner who lives on the edge of society in generally dystopic future where daily life is impacted by rapid technological change, an ubiquitous datasphere of computerized information, and invasive modification of the human body.....Hmmmmm
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#802
Gazeyre1966
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The furniture
Posted 09 September 2008 - 08:21 AM
http://uk.f865.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download/uk/ShowLetter?box=Inbox&MsgId=709_530978_159_2499_133380_0_181630_178682_3390677855&bodyPart=2&YY=20958&y5beta=yes&y5beta=yes&order=down&sort=date&pos=0&view=a&head=b&Idx=0
<span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'><span style='font-size: 12px;'>It's all done in the best possible taste. 
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#803
PJ
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Condom Testing Department
Posted 09 September 2008 - 11:40 AM
That doesn't work Gaz, for us to see the image, we have to log into your Yahoo mail...
Winning is not a crime...
NEITHER IS SWEARING!!!
NEITHER IS SWEARING!!!
#804
Gazeyre1966
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Posted 09 September 2008 - 12:00 PM
Cheers PJ. Didn't expect it to show up but it is showing up on my PC. Will post again later.
<span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'><span style='font-size: 12px;'>It's all done in the best possible taste. </span></span>
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#805
Gazeyre1966
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The furniture
Posted 09 September 2008 - 05:09 PM
Bono, the singer of U2 has always been a little self-righteous.
So the story goes.....at a recent Glasgow concert after the band performed a number he then asked the crowd for complete silence.
There was a hush and eventually Bono started to clap his hands every few seconds. This went on for about a minute.
Finally Bono began to speak. "Every time I clap my hands together....a child in Africa dies", he pontificated.
There was a silent hush across the whole audience but after a few seconds a broad Glasgow accent piped up and shouted.
"Well why the f**k don't you stop doin' it then ya evil bastard???".
So the story goes.....at a recent Glasgow concert after the band performed a number he then asked the crowd for complete silence.
There was a hush and eventually Bono started to clap his hands every few seconds. This went on for about a minute.
Finally Bono began to speak. "Every time I clap my hands together....a child in Africa dies", he pontificated.
There was a silent hush across the whole audience but after a few seconds a broad Glasgow accent piped up and shouted.
"Well why the f**k don't you stop doin' it then ya evil bastard???".
<span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'><span style='font-size: 12px;'>It's all done in the best possible taste. </span></span>
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#806
mazooma
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Posted 09 September 2008 - 06:38 PM
September 9
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On a bottle of children's cough mixture:
Do not drive a car or operate heavy machinery after taking.
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On a bottle of children's cough mixture:
Do not drive a car or operate heavy machinery after taking.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#807
Deano
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Posted 09 September 2008 - 06:44 PM
Bob Geldof,Ozzy Osborn and Gary Glitter on The Titanic and it hits an iceberg.
Save the children shouts Bob
F**k the children shouts Ozzy
Have we got time,shouts Glitter
Save the children shouts Bob
F**k the children shouts Ozzy
Have we got time,shouts Glitter
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
#808
mazooma
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Posted 10 September 2008 - 05:52 PM
September 10
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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#809
Deano
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Posted 10 September 2008 - 07:33 PM
3 guys and a lady sat at a bar talking about their professions.
1st guy says"im a YUPPIE,you know....Young,Urban,Professional,Peaceful,Intelligent,Ecologist".
2nd guy says"Im a DINK you know ....Double Income No Kids".
3rd guy says "Im a RUB you know....Rich,Urban Biker".
They turn to the woman and ask her "What are you"
She replies "Im a WIFE you know....Wash,Iron F**k, Etc".
1st guy says"im a YUPPIE,you know....Young,Urban,Professional,Peaceful,Intelligent,Ecologist".
2nd guy says"Im a DINK you know ....Double Income No Kids".
3rd guy says "Im a RUB you know....Rich,Urban Biker".
They turn to the woman and ask her "What are you"
She replies "Im a WIFE you know....Wash,Iron F**k, Etc".
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
#810
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 11 September 2008 - 06:50 PM
9/11 - Never Forgret
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Where do you find a crab with no legs?
Exactly where you left it.
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Where do you find a crab with no legs?
Exactly where you left it.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#811
Deano
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Posted 11 September 2008 - 07:07 PM
3 Irish men walking in the woods when they come upon some tracks.
1st one says"These are deer tracks"
2nd one says"No,they are badger tracks"
3rd one says"No,they are fox tracks"
Sadly while they were all arguing they were all killed by the f***ing train.
1st one says"These are deer tracks"
2nd one says"No,they are badger tracks"
3rd one says"No,they are fox tracks"
Sadly while they were all arguing they were all killed by the f***ing train.
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#812
RB
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Posted 11 September 2008 - 07:21 PM
Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.
''Why?'' he asks.
St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.
St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?''
''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''
''Why?'' he asks.
St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.
St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?''
''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''
Cyberpunk:- alienated loner who lives on the edge of society in generally dystopic future where daily life is impacted by rapid technological change, an ubiquitous datasphere of computerized information, and invasive modification of the human body.....Hmmmmm
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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#813
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 12 September 2008 - 06:58 PM
September 12
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Old electricians never die. They just lose their spark.
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Old electricians never die. They just lose their spark.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#814
Deano
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Posted 12 September 2008 - 07:08 PM
Woman goes to doctors and says doctor ive a cork up my fanny and every time I take it out it chants glory glory man united. Doctor says its ok all cu**s do that
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#815
PJ
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Posted 13 September 2008 - 10:14 AM
Just got this by text last night (I should declare here and now that this does not reflect my opinion of any ethnic minorities in any way shape or form...):-
"A muslim family have just been run over and killed by a tesco lorry...........EVERY LITTLE HELPS!"
(please don't bomb me...)
"A muslim family have just been run over and killed by a tesco lorry...........EVERY LITTLE HELPS!"
(please don't bomb me...)
Winning is not a crime...
NEITHER IS SWEARING!!!
NEITHER IS SWEARING!!!
#816
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 13 September 2008 - 04:12 PM
September 13
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What do traffic cops have in their sandwiches?
Traffic jam.
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What do traffic cops have in their sandwiches?
Traffic jam.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#817
RB
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Posted 13 September 2008 - 07:12 PM
With all this Olympic Games going on many companies are making money out of all sorts of marketing spin-offs including one company doing a range of condoms, Gold, Silver and Bronze.
I told my wife I was going to get some Gold Medal versions to match my performance.
She said " Get the Silver ones, it would be nice for you to come second for once!"
I told my wife I was going to get some Gold Medal versions to match my performance.
She said " Get the Silver ones, it would be nice for you to come second for once!"
Cyberpunk:- alienated loner who lives on the edge of society in generally dystopic future where daily life is impacted by rapid technological change, an ubiquitous datasphere of computerized information, and invasive modification of the human body.....Hmmmmm
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
#818
Deano
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Posted 13 September 2008 - 09:24 PM
Man joins the Navy and sets sail.After a while he asks his shipmates "What do you do for sex round here".
He is shown a barrel with a hole in it. Not impressed he tries it anyway and loves it.He tries it again the next day and the next.
"Can I do this every day" he asks.
"Not on Wednesday" he is told.
"Why".
"Wednesday is YOUR turn in the barrel".
He is shown a barrel with a hole in it. Not impressed he tries it anyway and loves it.He tries it again the next day and the next.
"Can I do this every day" he asks.
"Not on Wednesday" he is told.
"Why".
"Wednesday is YOUR turn in the barrel".
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
#819
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 14 September 2008 - 07:43 AM
September 14
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A doctor stands up to make a speech at a doctor's conference. Unfortunately, when he looks at his notes, he can't make out his handwriting. Looking up, he asks, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"
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A doctor stands up to make a speech at a doctor's conference. Unfortunately, when he looks at his notes, he can't make out his handwriting. Looking up, he asks, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#820
Deano
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Posted 14 September 2008 - 09:06 AM
SCAM WARNING
In Lidl,while packing shopping in your car,you may be approached by two,fit,18 year old East European girls in tiny tops.
They wash your windscreen with their tits hanging out then ask you for a lift as payment.
On the way they strip and go down on each other.Then one climbs in the front and sucks you off while the other nicks your wallet.
I had mine stolen last Tues and Wed.Twice on Thursday and then again today.
BE CAREFUL.
In Lidl,while packing shopping in your car,you may be approached by two,fit,18 year old East European girls in tiny tops.
They wash your windscreen with their tits hanging out then ask you for a lift as payment.
On the way they strip and go down on each other.Then one climbs in the front and sucks you off while the other nicks your wallet.
I had mine stolen last Tues and Wed.Twice on Thursday and then again today.
BE CAREFUL.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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