September 22
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Two blondes are out fishing and have so much luck they decide to mark the spot so they can return. One draws a cross on the side of the boat.
"Don't be stupid," says the other. "We might not get the same boat next time."
2120 replies to this topic
#841
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 22 September 2008 - 07:22 PM
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#842
RB
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PISH Artist
Posted 22 September 2008 - 11:42 PM
Doctor John had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: 'John, don't worry about it.
You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of their patients and you won't be the last.
And you're single. Just let it go, John.'
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering, 'John you're a Veterinarian, you sick bastard.'
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: 'John, don't worry about it.
You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of their patients and you won't be the last.
And you're single. Just let it go, John.'
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering, 'John you're a Veterinarian, you sick bastard.'
Cyberpunk:- alienated loner who lives on the edge of society in generally dystopic future where daily life is impacted by rapid technological change, an ubiquitous datasphere of computerized information, and invasive modification of the human body.....Hmmmmm
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#843
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 23 September 2008 - 06:29 PM
September 23
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Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: I'm afraid you only have 24 hours to live.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to call you since yesterday.
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Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: I'm afraid you only have 24 hours to live.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to call you since yesterday.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#844
markitfc
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Posted 24 September 2008 - 10:14 AM
Whats spinach and anal sex got in common??
if your forced to have it as a child you wont like it as an adult
=|
if your forced to have it as a child you wont like it as an adult
=|
#845
Guest_altharic_*
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Posted 24 September 2008 - 10:23 AM
George Michael was found in a toilet with a chocolate bar stuck up his arse his spokesman said he was careless with his Wispa.........
#846
aaamusements
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Posted 24 September 2008 - 01:47 PM
To follow that, alth;
What is the difference between George Michael and a wellington boot?
Nothing. They both get sucked off in a bog.
What is the difference between George Michael and a wellington boot?
Nothing. They both get sucked off in a bog.
#847
mazooma
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Posted 24 September 2008 - 07:21 PM
September 24
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How do you know when you're halfway through a date with an airline pilot?
He says, "Anyway, that's enough about flying. Let's talk about me."
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How do you know when you're halfway through a date with an airline pilot?
He says, "Anyway, that's enough about flying. Let's talk about me."
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#848
jamespir
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Posted 24 September 2008 - 08:04 PM
these jiokes are getting worse
#849
aaamusements
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Posted 24 September 2008 - 11:09 PM
these jiokes are getting worse
Over to you then!
#850
Guest_altharic_*
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Posted 24 September 2008 - 11:51 PM
Which is the odd 1 out?
1. Toaster.
2. Washin machine.
3. Dish washer.
4. Woman.
Answer =A toaster....Its the only 1 that doesnt drip when its f***ed
1. Toaster.
2. Washin machine.
3. Dish washer.
4. Woman.
Answer =A toaster....Its the only 1 that doesnt drip when its f***ed
#851
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Posted 24 September 2008 - 11:52 PM
"Bra Sizes"
Have you ever wondered why
A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the Letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered
why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood
for, it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there!
{C} Can't complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake
{G} Get a Reduction
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!
Have you ever wondered why
A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the Letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered
why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood
for, it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there!
{C} Can't complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake
{G} Get a Reduction
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!
#852
jamespir
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Member
Posted 25 September 2008 - 11:19 AM
i was in a bar and they were two bikers in the corner they looked big and mean anyway this old guy comes in orders a whiskey then goes up to the biker and say i shagged your grandma . i thiught they was gonna be a punch up but niothing happend then he turned to the other and said i shagged your grandma still no one flinched so he shouted out i shagged their grandma the biker got up and said come on grandad lets go home your drunk
#853
aaamusements
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Posted 25 September 2008 - 11:58 AM
i was in a bar and they were two bikers in the corner they looked big and mean anyway this old guy comes in orders a whiskey then goes up to the biker and say i shagged your grandma . i thiught they was gonna be a punch up but niothing happend then he turned to the other and said i shagged your grandma still no one flinched so he shouted out i shagged their grandma the biker got up and said come on grandad lets go home your drunk
Tis a good one, but it has been done...
http://www.fruit-emu...-giggle-83.html
#854
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 25 September 2008 - 07:15 PM
September 25
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A blonde decides to earn some cash doing handyman jobs. At the first house the man asks her to paint his porch for $10. He's chuckling about how little he paid when the blonde tells him she's done. "By the way," she says, "It's not a Porsche - it's a Ferrari."
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A blonde decides to earn some cash doing handyman jobs. At the first house the man asks her to paint his porch for $10. He's chuckling about how little he paid when the blonde tells him she's done. "By the way," she says, "It's not a Porsche - it's a Ferrari."
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#855
Deano
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BANNED FOR LIFE
Posted 25 September 2008 - 09:02 PM
A man was frustrated at having jokes on him.He asked his wife"Tell me a joke in which I am not involved".
His wife smiled and replied"I am pregnant".
His wife smiled and replied"I am pregnant".
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#856
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 26 September 2008 - 07:30 PM
September 26
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The golfer looked at a ball, far away in the trees, and said to her caddy, "That can't be my ball. It looks far too old."
The caddy replied, "It's been a long time since we started!"
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The golfer looked at a ball, far away in the trees, and said to her caddy, "That can't be my ball. It looks far too old."
The caddy replied, "It's been a long time since we started!"
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#857
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 27 September 2008 - 01:23 PM
September 27
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Why do seagulls live near the sea?
If they lived near the bay they'd be baygulls.
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Why do seagulls live near the sea?
If they lived near the bay they'd be baygulls.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#858
Deano
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BANNED FOR LIFE
Posted 27 September 2008 - 07:12 PM
Husband just finished reading book"Man of the House",when he storms into the kitchen,pointed a finger into his wifes face and said "From now on I want you to know I am the man of the house,my word is law!YOU WILL prepare a gourmet meal for me tonight and every night!Then YOU WILL run me a bath.Then YOU WILL lie on the bed and take whats coming to you and then in the morning guess who is going to wash and dress me?"
Wife replied "The fu***ng undertaker".
Wife replied "The fu***ng undertaker".
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#859
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 28 September 2008 - 01:47 PM
September 28
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A kindergarten teacher is supervising her students, who are drawing. She stops to ask a little girl about her picture. "It's God," says the little girl.
"But nobody knows what God looks like," replies the teacher.
"They will in a minute," the little girl says.
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A kindergarten teacher is supervising her students, who are drawing. She stops to ask a little girl about her picture. "It's God," says the little girl.
"But nobody knows what God looks like," replies the teacher.
"They will in a minute," the little girl says.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#860
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Posted 29 September 2008 - 10:12 AM
Nasa launches a rocket to Mars with 2 monkeys & a woman on board.. Houston to 1st monkey - adjust oxygen to 40% and carry out post launch checks.. Houston to second monkey - throttle back, power down engines and adjust anti-gravitational shield. Houston to woman - feed monkeys and touch f*** all.
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