October 10
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A man owns a parrot that swears terribly. He gets so angry with it that one day he puts it in the freezer. At first the bird swears loudly, but then goes silent. Worried, the man checks on it.
"I'm sorry about all the trouble I've caused," says the parrot to the amazed man. "I'll n ever swear again, I promise. By the way, what did that turkey do?"
2120 replies to this topic
#881
mazooma
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Posted 10 October 2008 - 06:06 AM
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#882
CrAzYbAr
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Japan bound
Posted 10 October 2008 - 09:11 AM
2 old dears driving really slow down the M6 holding up the traffic. The cops wave to the driver and ask her to pull over.
The policeman gets out of the car and asks the driver, 'Excuse me. But why are you driving so slow? This is a motorway.'
The old dear replies, 'well, this is the M6. So I'm doing 6 miles per hour.'
The policeman replies, 'No miss. This is a motorway. You can go upto 70 miles per hour on these roads.'
The policeman then looks over at the other old dear in the passenger seat and notices she's all tensed up, grinding her teeth, and grasping the sides of her seat and her eyes are squinting.
The policeman asks, 'Whats wrong miss? Why are you like that?' The old dear passenger replies, 'We've just come off the M180.
Haha I can only imagine what it would be like if they had to come up to my place....You have to take the A309
This is a site for EMULATION purposes of older machines. Not playing strategies.
If you are more interested in playing modern machines,
visit Jackpottyforums
(DOND is around now on this site..... How long was this sig out of date...!)
#883
Guest_altharic_*
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Posted 10 October 2008 - 09:52 AM
A little boy killed a butterfly. his dad said "no butter for 2 weeks". He then killed a honey bee. his dad said "no honey either 4 u for 2 weeks". Later the little boys mum was in the garden and stood on a cock roach. The little boy looked at his dad and said "do u wanna tell her or should i?
#884
mazooma
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Posted 11 October 2008 - 07:12 PM
October 11
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What do you get when you cross a football player with a gorilla?
I don't know, but nobody tries to stop it from scoring.
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What do you get when you cross a football player with a gorilla?
I don't know, but nobody tries to stop it from scoring.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#885
Liverpool2008
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I come back every now and then :p
Posted 12 October 2008 - 08:38 AM
October 11
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What do you get when you cross a football player with a gorilla?
I don't know, but nobody tries to stop it from scoring.
lmao classic
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#886
PJ
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Posted 12 October 2008 - 10:58 AM
Wayne Rooney, surely?...What do you get when you cross a football player with a gorilla?...
Winning is not a crime...
NEITHER IS SWEARING!!!
NEITHER IS SWEARING!!!
#887
mazooma
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Posted 12 October 2008 - 12:26 PM
October 12
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Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddy: Try heaven. You've already moved a fair amount of earth.
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Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddy: Try heaven. You've already moved a fair amount of earth.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#888
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 13 October 2008 - 07:14 PM
October 13 - WARNING!! Today's joke is funny
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A patient goes to a doctor. "My wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages."
"Nonsense! I like sausages too." the doctor replied.
"Great!" exclaimed the patient. "Come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them."
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A patient goes to a doctor. "My wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages."
"Nonsense! I like sausages too." the doctor replied.
"Great!" exclaimed the patient. "Come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them."
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#889
Deano
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Posted 13 October 2008 - 07:26 PM
Paddy on death row gets the chance to be shot,hung or injected with the Aids virus.He opted for the injection.They inject him and he rolls around the floor laughing.The warden says"Whats so funny".
Paddy replies"Im wearing a fu***ng condom".
Paddy replies"Im wearing a fu***ng condom".
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
#890
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 14 October 2008 - 06:32 PM
October 14
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Timmy was confused about something he heard on TV. He asked his dad, "What's love juice?"
His dad was shocked, but decided to explain calmly. Soon Timmy was staring in amazement. "Now," his dad asked, "What have you been watching on TV that you shouldn't have?"
"Wimbledon," Timmy replied.
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Timmy was confused about something he heard on TV. He asked his dad, "What's love juice?"
His dad was shocked, but decided to explain calmly. Soon Timmy was staring in amazement. "Now," his dad asked, "What have you been watching on TV that you shouldn't have?"
"Wimbledon," Timmy replied.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#891
Deano
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Posted 14 October 2008 - 06:34 PM
Japanese girl having sex and accidently farts.
She said" Oh me so sorry you make front hole so happy back hole blow you kiss".
She said" Oh me so sorry you make front hole so happy back hole blow you kiss".
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
#892
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 15 October 2008 - 06:01 PM
October 15
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Useful definitions for new parents:
Hearsay: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a swearword.
Impregnable: a woman whose memory of labour is still vivid.
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Useful definitions for new parents:
Hearsay: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a swearword.
Impregnable: a woman whose memory of labour is still vivid.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#893
RB
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PISH Artist
Posted 15 October 2008 - 07:36 PM
There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left?
2 birds. The other 3 fly away!
2 birds. The other 3 fly away!
Cyberpunk:- alienated loner who lives on the edge of society in generally dystopic future where daily life is impacted by rapid technological change, an ubiquitous datasphere of computerized information, and invasive modification of the human body.....Hmmmmm
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#894
Deano
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Posted 16 October 2008 - 07:54 AM
Just had an appointment with a fortune teller.She told me a lot of money was coming my way.I left all excited-and got hit by a fu***ng Securicor van!
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#895
mazooma
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Posted 16 October 2008 - 06:15 PM
October 16
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A man takes his cross-eyed dog to the vet. The vet picks up the dog and examines him. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put him down," the vet says.
"Why?" asks the ditressed man. "Just because he's cross-eyed?"
"No," says the vet, "he's heavy."
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A man takes his cross-eyed dog to the vet. The vet picks up the dog and examines him. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put him down," the vet says.
"Why?" asks the ditressed man. "Just because he's cross-eyed?"
"No," says the vet, "he's heavy."
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#896
Deano
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Posted 16 October 2008 - 06:37 PM
A blokes just offered me a new job.£1000 a week,working for the Brittle Bone Society.I snapped his fu***ng hand off!
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#897
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 17 October 2008 - 06:28 PM
October 17
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An engineering student arrives at campus on a brand new motorbike. His friend gasps, "Where did you get that?"
"Well, I was walking along," says the student, "when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She got off, took off all her clothes, and said 'Take what you want', so I did!"
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An engineering student arrives at campus on a brand new motorbike. His friend gasps, "Where did you get that?"
"Well, I was walking along," says the student, "when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She got off, took off all her clothes, and said 'Take what you want', so I did!"
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#898
Deano
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Posted 17 October 2008 - 06:41 PM
Two blokes sitting in a bar,one says "After 10 years of marriage,sex is down to 3 times a year". The other replies "Same here pal.As a matter of fact,if mine didnt sleep with her mouth open,Id have none at all".
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#899
RB
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PISH Artist
Posted 17 October 2008 - 11:02 PM
A man walks into a doctor's office.
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
Cyberpunk:- alienated loner who lives on the edge of society in generally dystopic future where daily life is impacted by rapid technological change, an ubiquitous datasphere of computerized information, and invasive modification of the human body.....Hmmmmm
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#900
RB
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PISH Artist
Posted 17 October 2008 - 11:04 PM
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. 'You all have obsessions,' he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.'
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come on, Dick, we're leaving. Your brothers Nobby and Willy are waiting for us.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.'
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come on, Dick, we're leaving. Your brothers Nobby and Willy are waiting for us.
Cyberpunk:- alienated loner who lives on the edge of society in generally dystopic future where daily life is impacted by rapid technological change, an ubiquitous datasphere of computerized information, and invasive modification of the human body.....Hmmmmm
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