2120 replies to this topic

[ady]

Paddy and Mick have been in England at the cemetery visiting Micks dead mother when Paddy comes across a stone just outside, next to the road.

He exclaims "Look at this Mick....This guy was 152 when he died".

Mick says "Are you sure? 152? What was his name?"

Paddy says "Miles....from London".

lol Gaz..........thats pretty good

[PJ]

Zoltar - what the hell are you doing editing my last post here just because of the so-called language???

I've just done a search of this entire site, and to this date there have been no less than 310 posts containing the word 'c***' - so what are you singling me out for?


PS - make that 311...

[mazooma]

November 7
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The commissioner was giving a new officer some advice on his first day.

Commissioner : Police officers often have to do difficult things. For example, what would you do if you had to arrest your mother-in-law?

New officer : Wait for back-up!

[RB]

A Scotsman walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?
"Are you nuts?!!!" she replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
So the Scotsman runs around the next block and faces her again ; "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars; Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there ."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them,
licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah", says the Scotsman... "Costs too much..."

[Deano]

"Mummy,where do babies come from?".
"Well daddies make a liquid called sperm and put it inside mummies".
"Do mummies eat it".
"Only if they want new shoes".

[mazooma]

November 8
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What happened to the cat thet swallowed a ball of wool?

She had mittens.

[RB]

Glasgow Rangers manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play Football and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Scotland.
Two weeks later the 'Gers are 4-0 down to Aberdeen with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.
The lad is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Rangers! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.
When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in Scottish football.
"Hello mum, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."
" Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day.
Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time."
The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."
"Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault we moved to Glasgow in the first place!"

[PJ]

Zoltar - what the hell are you doing editing my last post here just because of the so-called language???

I've just done a search of this entire site, and to this date there have been no less than 310 posts containing the word '****' (that's '****', btw) - so what are you singling me out for?


PS - make that 311...

OK, I guess I'll just have to go over your head then, Nanny McMug!

[Zoltar]

Zoltar - what the hell are you doing editing my last post here just because of the so-called language???

I've just done a search of this entire site, and to this date there have been no less than 310 posts containing the word '****' - so what are you singling me out for?


PS - make that 311...

Sorry if you thought I was singling you out. But seeing the 'C' word emphasised in bold black large letters, I simply removed it as it was distasteful. Same style text as the rest of the post and maybe a 'c**t' instead of the full word, I wouldn't have done anything to the post at all. Whilst I will accept you may find it comfortable to use and emphacise the 'C' word in front of kids, adults and peers, I find it a little upsetting that we have to accept it here.

Did it really need to be emphacised in such a manner? Thats the only problem I had with it.

[PJ]

But it isn't generally distasteful, is it? And the reason I bigged it up was that it was the punchline - and I guess too many people on here now have kids of their own, so free speech has naturally gone out of the window...

That theory has now been bolstered by the fact that since my last search for that word, every instance has been masked out now, so it looks as though this site has been castrated by political correctness - pity, but if I can't have free expression I guess that means I won't be contributing any more...

As for 'offending the kiddies', the only children that would be visiting this site would be those under 18, but still old enough to want to gamble, and trust me, they're already going to know the existence of that word, and worse besides...

You'll notice from my post years ago that I do censor some of my dialogue, such as that thing about 'we're going p**i bashing', but the so-called c-word (since you'll only star it out anyway) I don't think should be expurgated from the English language...


George Washington: "If freedom of speech be taken away, then silent shall we be led, like lambs to the slaughter"

Voltaire: "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it"


OK, rant over - bye everyone.

Edited by PJ, 09 November 2008 - 02:10 PM.

[mazooma]

November 9
-----------

Why are sex and air alike?

Neither one's a big deal until you're not getting any.

[ForYouToEnvy]

What makes five pounds of fat realy intresting?

A nipple!

[RB]

can someone split this Plz...i keep looking for new jokes

[Zoltar]

can someone split this Plz...i keep looking for new jokes

It's done fella. The discussion between me and PJ is now in the Abyss. Still accessible and out of the way of the main areas.

[RB]

It's done fella. The discussion between me and PJ is now in the Abyss. Still accessible and out of the way of the main areas.

cheers


Jelly baby goes to the doctors and find's out she's pregnant. the doctor asks if she know who the father is.

"havent got a clue - i've been sleeping with allsorts"

[RB]

How many Moderators does it take to change a light bulb?


Answer 1:- None.They won't change the light bulb ever no matter how many posters ask for a new light bulb unless of course its a subversive lightbulb and then it will be deleted without explanation.

Answer 2:- Depends on whether or not they have suffient light bulb changing priviledges. Some of them are only empowered to observe that the light bulb is broken.

[mazooma]

November 10
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Cannibal 1: How do you make an explorer stew?

Cannibal 2: Keep him waiting a few hours.

[mazooma]

November 11
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A sales rep for a condom company is going to a convention. As she rushes through the airport, she drops her briefcase, which snaps open and spills condoms everywhere. She notices a passer-by staring at her as she collects them all. "It's OK," she says, "I'm going to a convention."

[mazooma]

November 12
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Funny newspaper headlines:


Patient at death's door - doctors pull him through


Queen Mary having bottom scraped