There were two young men of Cawnpore,
Who buggered and f***ed the same whore.
But the partition split,
And the spunk and the shit
Rolled out in great lumps on the floor.
2120 replies to this topic
#1181
stanmarsh14
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Sado-masochist
#1182
stanmarsh14
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Sado-masochist
Posted 13 September 2009 - 11:45 AM
There was a young girl of Detroit,
Who at f*****g was very adroit.
She could squeeze her vagina
To a pin-point and finer,
Or open it out like a quoit.
Who at f*****g was very adroit.
She could squeeze her vagina
To a pin-point and finer,
Or open it out like a quoit.
#1183
todd1970
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The furniture
Posted 21 October 2009 - 05:59 PM
Two hunters are in the woods when all of a sudden one stops in his tracks..turns grey his eyes roll back in his head he drops to the ground it appears as if hes not breathing.
Panic stricken his mate phones 999..
'Hello emergency what seems to be the problem'
'Hi..my friend has collapsed hes not breathing i dont think..i think hes dead'
'OK..dont panic sir..he may have just fainted..you need to make sure hes dead first'
A few seconds pass and a gunshot is heard over the phone....
'Okay..he is now...what do i do now' ?
Panic stricken his mate phones 999..
'Hello emergency what seems to be the problem'
'Hi..my friend has collapsed hes not breathing i dont think..i think hes dead'
'OK..dont panic sir..he may have just fainted..you need to make sure hes dead first'
A few seconds pass and a gunshot is heard over the phone....
'Okay..he is now...what do i do now' ?
Mmmmmm...Sandy ive 'ad her ye know. 
#1184
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 22 October 2009 - 07:35 PM
Blanche: The car won't start, dear, I think it's becauise there's water in the carburetor.
Herb: How do you know that? You don't even know what a carburetor is.
Blanche: Maybe not, but I'm sure ther is water in the carburetor.
Herb: I'm sure you're wrong but I'll check it out. Where is the car?
Blanche: At the bottom of the swimming pool.
Herb: How do you know that? You don't even know what a carburetor is.
Blanche: Maybe not, but I'm sure ther is water in the carburetor.
Herb: I'm sure you're wrong but I'll check it out. Where is the car?
Blanche: At the bottom of the swimming pool.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#1185
stanmarsh14
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Sado-masochist
Posted 22 October 2009 - 08:20 PM
A new farmer's helper named Kull
Accidentally was milking a bull
The farmer said, "Boy yer dumb,
You done milked the wrong one!"
Said the boy, "But me whole bucket's full."
Accidentally was milking a bull
The farmer said, "Boy yer dumb,
You done milked the wrong one!"
Said the boy, "But me whole bucket's full."
#1186
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 29 October 2009 - 08:03 PM
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
To get to the other slide.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#1187
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 12 November 2009 - 07:57 PM
Monty: For about a month before we vacationed in Paris, my wife treated me like dirt. So I told her that an apology was in order and if there wasn't one immediately, she could forget the trip.
Bartender: So what happened?
Monty: I apologized and we went to Paris.
Bartender: So what happened?
Monty: I apologized and we went to Paris.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#1188
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 17 November 2009 - 07:22 PM
Blanche: Hello! Is this the fire department?
Dispatcher: Yes, it is.
Blanche: My house is on fire, come immediately!
Dispatcher: How do we get to your house?
Blanche: Don't you have those big red trucks?
Dispatcher: Yes, it is.
Blanche: My house is on fire, come immediately!
Dispatcher: How do we get to your house?
Blanche: Don't you have those big red trucks?
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#1189
Guest_barcrest junky_*
Guest_barcrest junky_*
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Posted 17 November 2009 - 08:08 PM
Blanche: Hello! Is this the fire department?
Dispatcher: Yes, it is.
Blanche: My house is on fire, come immediately!
Dispatcher: How do we get to your house?
Blanche: Don't you have those big red trucks?
Good to see you haven't lost your sense of humour after getting married there maz:undecided:
bj
#1190
Fruity_Goodness
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Member
Posted 20 November 2009 - 05:24 PM
I told that O'Grady I'd see his cnut dog off.
Paul O'Grady's dog Buster dies | TV Blog - Yahoo! TV UK
Paul O'Grady's dog Buster dies | TV Blog - Yahoo! TV UK
He who wrestles with a turd will be beshitted whether he fall under it or over it.
#1191
SUPER7
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Shouldn't Fruit Machines Payout Fruit??
Posted 25 November 2009 - 08:32 PM
Don't no if any 1s heard this 1 before but here it goes....
The annual premature ejaculation society's dinner is friday- no dress code just come in ya pants.
The annual premature ejaculation society's dinner is friday- no dress code just come in ya pants.
#1192
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 29 November 2009 - 08:47 PM
Did you hear the one about the two silkworms who had a race?
It ended in a tie.
It ended in a tie.
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#1193
RB
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- Layout Creator
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PISH Artist
Posted 30 November 2009 - 12:11 AM
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Cyberpunk:- alienated loner who lives on the edge of society in generally dystopic future where daily life is impacted by rapid technological change, an ubiquitous datasphere of computerized information, and invasive modification of the human body.....Hmmmmm
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
#1194
Daryl
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Forget it... I do!
Posted 30 November 2009 - 12:45 AM
What's the difference between a nun and a whore in the bath?
One has a soul full of hope - the other has a hole full of soap!
One has a soul full of hope - the other has a hole full of soap!
All The Best
Daryl
My blogsite is here: click the icon --->
My name is Daryl, I was born in 1965 and have been into FME since 2002!
On 23 June 2011, I was diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease In November 2012, I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease and Parkinsonian Syndrome too.
I can be found at:
My new blog-site...
...or at Facebook here: --> https://www.facebook.com/daryl.lees
=======================================================
Visit my website on the icon above for my WebBlog, or pop over and see me on the social media at --->
=======================================================
Daryl
My blogsite is here: click the icon --->
My name is Daryl, I was born in 1965 and have been into FME since 2002!
On 23 June 2011, I was diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease In November 2012, I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease and Parkinsonian Syndrome too.
I can be found at:
My new blog-site...
...or at Facebook here: --> https://www.facebook.com/daryl.lees
=======================================================
Visit my website on the icon above for my WebBlog, or pop over and see me on the social media at --->
=======================================================
#1195
allisa
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Junior Member
Posted 30 November 2009 - 08:03 AM
Wow thanks for make me laugh. He is very gentle guy. He is waiting to be her adult in next 11 min.
#1196
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 23 December 2009 - 05:12 PM
A woman calling Mount Siani Hospital said, "Hello, I want to know if a patient is getting better." The voice on the other end of the line said, "What is the patient's name and room number?" She said, "Sarah Finkel, room 302." He replies, "Oh, yes. Mrs Finkel is doing very well. In fact, She's had two full meals, her blood pressure is normal, she's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours, and if she continues this improvement, Dr Cohen is going to send her home on Tuesday." The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful news!" The man on the phone said, "I take it from your enthusiasm, you must be a family member or a very close friend!" She replies, "I'm Sarah Finkel in room 302! That Dr Cohen doesn't tell me anything!"
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#1197
cashbox1
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The furniture
Posted 23 December 2009 - 05:55 PM
Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.
Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More Stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the he kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree Santa?" And that my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.
Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More Stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the he kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree Santa?" And that my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.
Einstein`s theory of FME 90 downloads = 3 thanks
#1198
mazooma
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I'm not dead yet
Posted 25 December 2009 - 09:12 AM
Not found in Webster's
Claustrophobia
What Santa feels when he gets stuck in the chimney
Claustrophobia
What Santa feels when he gets stuck in the chimney
Where you came from, is gone.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
Where you thought you were going, was never there.
And where you're at right now, aint no good, unless you can get away from it.
#1199
duplu
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Previous Owner
Posted 02 January 2010 - 02:08 PM
During a recent password audit, our I.T department discovered an employee was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyParis
When they were asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyParis
When they were asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
#1200
stanmarsh14
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Sado-masochist
Posted 24 January 2010 - 10:14 AM
She's A Keeper If You Hear A Woman Say . . .
I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.
I know I'm sore and my parents are in the other room, I still want you right now!
This porno scene is boring, fast forward to the gang bang.
Don't get up, I kinda like sleeping in the wetspot.
Don't dirty your T-shirt wiping that up, use my blouse.
That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch pornos again?
I bet it would be kinky to watch you with our baby-sitter.
The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday.
While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.
Bar food again? Kick ass!
I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.
That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.
I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more.
I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one, what a wonderful Valentine's day gift!
Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.
I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want 'em?
It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.
Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila shot off of Chuck's bare ass!
My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.
I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.
Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch.
You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya' big silly!
You are so much smarter than my father.
If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch Match of the Day
I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.
I know I'm sore and my parents are in the other room, I still want you right now!
This porno scene is boring, fast forward to the gang bang.
Don't get up, I kinda like sleeping in the wetspot.
Don't dirty your T-shirt wiping that up, use my blouse.
That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch pornos again?
I bet it would be kinky to watch you with our baby-sitter.
The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday.
While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.
Bar food again? Kick ass!
I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.
That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.
I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more.
I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one, what a wonderful Valentine's day gift!
Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.
I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want 'em?
It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.
Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila shot off of Chuck's bare ass!
My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.
I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.
Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch.
You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya' big silly!
You are so much smarter than my father.
If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch Match of the Day
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