2120 replies to this topic

[Daryl]

Well, according to my Forums index, I am on page 69 of the Jokes thread now...

... that should be worth a few corny comments from some of you! lol

[Daryl]

I am reading a book on anti-gravity...
... it's impossible to put it down!

[Daryl]

The passenger gets into the back seat of a taxi and taps the taxi driver on the shoulder. He swerves, hits a tree and they end up arse over tit.

The passenger gets out of the taxi and says to the driver: “You’re jumpy aren’t you? I was only telling you where I was going”…

… The driver apologises and says: “I know - you see you’re my first fare… I’ve been the driver of a hearse for the last 20 years”!!

[jim2311]

Daryl... I laughed out loud when I read that.

I like it.

[RB]

An 18-year-old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off." So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her. She asked him, "What will our baby be called?" The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time later, the same thing happened again: a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders... She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off.

Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again. After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Copperfield!

[Daryl]

Did you here about the man who invited to take one person from every nation in the world for a meal to a top class restaurant?

Every nationality turned up except one, but when they got to the hotel the management refused to serve him...

... they said they couldn't serve him without a Thai... !!

[Daryl]

A joke from Mrs Brown... with a serious, but funny rationale to the meaning below regarding my condition....

At least I will forget all about my 'Moobs'!

Attached Files

•  Mrs Brown's Alzheimer's quote!.jpg   18.14KB   17 downloads

[vectra666]

I pulled a munter last night in pub. She looked like she'd been duckin for apples in a chip pan,
Had more hands up her than sooty. She's got a face that could make an onion cry,
Seen more jap's eyes than a oriental optician,
A fanny like a yawnin hippo,
So ugly even a sniper wouldn't take her out,
Been shot over more times than Iraq,
Has a pairs of flaps like a gutted trout,
Been cocked more times than Elmer fudds shotgun
And a belly bigger than santa claus. Still at the end of day a shags a shag.

[vectra666]

I see Jimmy Saville's family have removed his gravestone along with all the flowers as a sign of respect to his victims. so it just leaves a small hole with no bush around it, just what Jimmy would,ve wanted...
McDonalds announced their latsest burger the McSaville Sandwich.... 84year old meat between 13year old baps!!

[stanmarsh14]

Hurricane sandy was like the sex I had last night, it took ages to come and left a soggy mess afterwards.

[RB]

One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.
The first lady had a stroke,
the second one had a stroke,
and the third one's arm was too short to reach.

[RB]

A boy comes home one day and runs up to his mom.
"What's a bitch and a pussy?"
"Well," Mom says, "a bitch is a female dog and a pussy is a cat." The boy thinks to himself that this doesn't sound right since the other kids were calling each other that. So he goes to Dad.
"What's a bitch and a pussy?" Dad pulls out his Playboy and opens it to the centerfold. He draws a circle around the woman's pussy.
"Now that's a pussy, son! And everything else is the bitch!"

[raverpat]

I used to go out with a bird who had an addiction for flicking plug switches.
We were on and off for a few years.

[cashbox1]

i went into the library and asked if i could borrow a book about suicide - the librarian said "f*** off, you wont bring it back "

i wish folk would stop slagging jimmy saville off - when i was 8 he fixed it for me to milk a cow blindfolded

[Daryl]

Well... You certainly wouldn't get pregnant using this method below - from a hospital at that!

Attached Files

•  Rear Entrance!.jpg   38.98KB   4 downloads

[raverpat]

My wife said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerate.
I was so shocked I almost tripped over my cock.

[raverpat]

Upon reading his autobiography, I was quite surprised to learn that Jimmy Savile actually used to like sleeping with twenty eight year olds.
He liked it because there was twenty of them.