Master Joker
Posted 17 October 2016 - 12:48 AM
I bought a new Sat-Nav voiced by the band U2. Took it back to the shop this morning.
"This is faulty" i told the shop keeper
"How do you mean, faulty" he asked.
I replied "Well the streets have no names and I still haven't founf what I'm looking for"
Edited by bri365, 17 October 2016 - 12:48 AM.
Come here to post jokes, oh and to play the occasional frutie.
Master Joker
Posted 18 October 2016 - 11:51 PM
Blond girl walks into dry cleaners and hands the old woman behind the cointer a blouse.
"can you clean this please" she asks.
"no pronlem" replied the old girl.
As the blond was walking out the old girl said "come again"
"no it's toothpaste this time" she replied.
Come here to post jokes, oh and to play the occasional frutie.
Daryl
Posted 20 October 2016 - 09:12 PM
Well, in a way it is a 'joke'...
The whole of the Middle East is a joke...
Our policy (wel, the EU one anyway) on immigration is a joke...
Religion is a joke...
I could go on - but then it's no joke...
Master Joker
The furniture
Posted 21 October 2016 - 03:39 PM
I visited the offices of the RSPCA today.
It’s tiny, you couldn’t swing a cat in there.
Tim Vine THE best in my eye's 
Daryl
Posted 21 October 2016 - 05:11 PM
Politics...
Sorry, delete my post
Master Joker
Posted 27 October 2016 - 10:26 AM
Just bought a low energy light bulb from B&Q.
Assistant asked "Will you be putting this up yourself?"
"No you sick twat" I said "Its going in the lounge"
Come here to post jokes, oh and to play the occasional frutie.
Admin
Posted 28 October 2016 - 06:15 PM
Sorry, delete my post
Daryl
Posted 13 November 2016 - 05:29 PM
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie…
He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asked the son what he had done that afternoon. The son says: “I did some schoolwork.” The robot duly slaps the son… “OK, OK I was at my friend’s house watching movies!” The son replies.
“What movie did you watch?” Asked the father.
“Toy Story" the son replies - again the robot duly slaps the son.
“OK, OK!” The son says: ‘we were watching some porn!”
The father replies: “What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was!” - to which the robot duly slaps the father!
The mother laughs and says: “Well - he certainly is your son!”
The robot then duly slapped the mother!! 
Master Joker
Posted 14 November 2016 - 01:19 AM
Going to Tesco in the morning for one of their new Penis Extension Kits..............................Well every little helps.
Wife asked me how I would like to be buried, apparently balls deep in her best friend was not the answer she was looking for.
How do you get a fat girl into bed...............................piece of cake.
Come here to post jokes, oh and to play the occasional frutie.
Professional Slacker
Posted 14 November 2016 - 02:02 AM
Old MacDonald was dyslexic, P, Q, F, G, H!
Professional Slacker
Posted 14 November 2016 - 02:06 AM
Deep in the crypt at St Giles
Came a noise that resounded for miles
Said the Curate "Good Gracious"
Has Father Ignatious
Forgotten the Bishop has piles?
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