2120 replies to this topic

[cashbox1]

what do you call a Mexican pervert ? Juan Concam

[bri365]

A man was arrested yesterday after falling into a combine harvester whilst trying to steal it! He's due to be bailed tomorrow!

[stardust]

Who'd have thought it... 😉

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[ricardo de ponsa]

Young man, there's a place you can go

I said young man, when you're short on your dough

You can stay there and I'm sure you will find

Many ways to have a good time

 

It's fun to stay at the YMCA

It's fun to stay at the YMCA

 

They have everything for you men to enjoy

You can hang out with all the boys

 

It's fun to stay at the YMCA

It's fun to stay at the YMCA

[bri365]

Found out my Nan use to be a furniture restorer, Well her report from the old peoples home states that she stains chairs............

[bri365]

Last night after a few beers my mate asked if he could stay on my sofa I had to explain to him that I'm married now so that's where I sleep.

[bri365]

I was on a plane recently and the stewardess said that in the event of an accident i had to stick my head between my legs. I couldn't help thinking, 'if i could do that i wouldn't be flying to Thailand in the first place.'

[bri365]

Police looking for a man who stabbed six people with knitting needles. He seems to be following some sort of pattern.

[bri365]

A good romance starts with a foundation of trust and friendship.

A bad romance starts with a rah rah rah-ah-ah, roma roma-ma gaga ooh la la.

[bri365]

Q: What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
A: Hailing taxis.

[cashbox1]

here`s to the cut that never heals

the longer you stroke it,the better it feels,

you can wash it in soap,you can wash it in soda,

but you`ll never get rid of the fish market odour

[stardust]

The new national emergency broadcasting system comes into operation next year...

It's going to be called the Network United Kingdom Emergency System.

Hardly reassuring when a national emergency warning pops up on your TV, device or Internet with the initials...

*** NUKES ***

[bri365]

Police are looking for a mugger who threatens his victims with a lit match. They need to catch him before he strikes again.

[hitthesix]

My wife has left me because of my compulsive  gambling 

 

 

"i would do anything to win her back"

[bri365]

My wife said she is leaving me because of my obsession with astronomy!.................What planet is she on.

[hitthesix]

A guy is standing on the bathroom scales desperately sucking in his stomach.
“That’s not going to help,” says his wife.

 

 

“Yes, it will,” replies the man. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers!”

 

 

Alcohol doesn’t make you FAT
It makes you LEAN… 

 

 

 

 

against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people!

[bri365]

My wife is furious at me for throwing a snowball at my son. On top of it, I’m also banned from the maternity ward.

[bri365]

Went to see my mate last night and to see his new baby. He asked me if I wanted to wind him! bit harsh I thought, so I gave him a dead leg instead.

[bri365]

I phoned my boss "I'm on the train heading to the south coast now." "What..?" he answered, sounding a bit annoyed. "It's five o'clock in the f*****g morning! What are you doing on a train?" "You tell me," I replied. "You're the one who wanted me in Brighton early this morning."

[bri365]

My nickname for my wife is "hungry clock"...............She always goes back four seconds!!!!!!!!!!!