2120 replies to this topic

[bri365]

Why don't blind people skydive??? scares the shit out of their dogs.

 

If a blind person goes skydiving, how do they know they're coming in to land??????????? Lead goes slack.

[bri365]

There's a house near me that has gone OTT this Halloween, There are cobwebs everywhere, flies and spiders all over the windows, cat skeleton on the window sill and a foul stench from inside. I must congratulate the old lady living there although I haven't seen her since March.............lol

[bri365]

At the age of 12, I was blessed with a nine inch penis. And three years later, that priest went to prison.

[cashbox1]

Q. How can you tell when a mechanic has just had sex?
A. One of his fingers is clean.

My girlfriend just recently got a tattoo of a dolphin on her inner thigh. It’s amazing what tattooists can do these day, when you put your face near it you can actually smell the ocean.

 

What’s green and melts in your mouth?
A leper’s c*ck.

Edited by cashbox1, 02 November 2018 - 04:17 AM.

[hitthesix]

A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his d**k.

An ugly woman is passing and remarks “If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady.”

He replies “If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself!”

[cashbox1]

Dr Shipman is teaming up with robert deniro for a new film - its called The Old Dear Hunter

[bri365]

Went to work with one side of me painted black and the other half painted white.......Boss sent me home for being too negative.

[bri365]

What's the difference between love and marriage?
Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener!

[hitthesix]

Coming home one day this bloke was greeted by his wife

dressed in sexy lingerie, "tie me up" she purred "and you can do anything you like"

so he tied her up and went out to the pub.

Edited by hitthesix, 19 November 2018 - 05:15 PM.

[bri365]

Police have released a statement that after an earlier accident on the Kent section of the M25, where a lorry shed it's 40 ton load of Vicks vapour rub over the carriageway, congestion was now easing.

[hitthesix]

I don’t know if liquor is the answer, but it’s worth a shot!

 

 

 

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled, “I hope you die a long, slow, painful death.”
He turned around and said, “So, you want me to stay?

[bri365]

Bought the wife a maids outfit to liven things up indoors... Didn't work, the house is still a shit-hole!

[bri365]

If you see someone doing a crossword today, lean over them and say 7 up is Lemonade.

[cashbox1]

I met a transvestite from the Greater Manchester area in the pub last night. He had a Wigan address

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints

Never insult an Italian baker. He'll beat the focaccia.
 

[bri365]

Just bumped into an old mate of mine today. I said, "What are you doing these days?" He said, "I prepare meals for the homeless, drug addicts, piss heads and down and outs." I said, "Oh, are you working for the Salvation Army?" He said, "No. Wetherspoons!"

I made a website for an orphanage... There wasn't a home page.

[hitthesix]

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?

 

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

[bri365]

Just checked the John Lewis website and they don't sell Pianos. That's a little bit funny?

[hitthesix]

I used to have a job at the calendar factory, but they fired me because I took a couple of days off.

 

 

 

Just quit my job at Starbucks because day after day it was the same old grind.

[bri365]

So there’s this bloke going around dipping his testicles in glitter. It’s pretty nuts.

[cashbox1]

what did gareth gates and doctor harold shipman have in common? they both had trouble finishing a sentence