2120 replies to this topic

[ricardo de ponsa]

My Grief Councillor died the other day, he was so good at his job, I didn't give a shit !!!

[ricardo de ponsa]

On my first day as a roofer I nearly lost my job when the boss caught me having a w*nk

 

He was really good about it and said, not to worry, he would wipe the slate clean !!!!

Edited by ricardo de ponsa, 20 April 2019 - 07:12 PM.

[ricardo de ponsa]

Tesco Penis extensions, because 'Every Little Helps'

[thecodfather]

Did you hear about the guy who took Ryanair to court over his missing luggage?

He lost his case!

[meme3]

Did you hear about a son who laughed?

He made pastry!

[ricardo de ponsa]

Computer games don't affect kids.

 

I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we would all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive music !!!!

[bri365]

A couple, both age 78, went to an NHS sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them £50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" "We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges £90. The Hilton charges £108. We do it here for £50...and I get £43 back from Bupa.

[thecodfather]

Have any of you seen that new film Constipation?

 

Probably not, it hasn't come out yet.

[bri365]

I have lost my entire life savings. I made a very very bad investment. I sank all my money into an app to allow chickens to find dates but it flopped as I couldn't make hens meet.

[hitthesix]

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days later her doorbell rings.

 

“Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won’t run away.” “What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts. Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

[ricardo de ponsa]

I was shopping in my local Poundland the other day and came across the 'Sexual Wellbeing' shelf !!!

 

Allergy relief, Savlon and sticky plasters ?????  Any ideas please ????

 

 

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[bri365]

Well I'm starting university tomorrow. I'm studying Cuppa Soup Making and hope to get my Bachelors degree.

[bri365]

I’m reading a horror story in Braille.. Something bad is going to happen.. I can feel it.

[ricardo de ponsa]

I went to the Doctors yesterday for a Prostate Examination.

 

I said where do I put my trousers ?

 

He said next to mine !!!!

[bri365]

I went to the Doctors yesterday for a Prostate Examination.

 

I said where do I put my trousers ?

 

He said next to mine !!!!

The worst thing about my Prostate exam was when I felt both the doctors hands on my shoulders????

[ricardo de ponsa]

The worst thing about my Prostate exam was when I felt both the doctors hands on my shoulders????

Anything more than one finger, ain't a Prostate Exam !!!! Believe Me !!!

 

Dr. Ricardo De Ponsa (Struck Off)

[bri365]

When we were young we were very poor. My mum use to send me to the fishmongers for a pound of whale meat. "tell him to leave the head on for the cat" she use to say. We didn't have a cat.

[ricardo de ponsa]

I am a good Doctor about to be struck off for having sex with one of my patients - ten years of training down the drain by

the British Veterinary Council.

 

Dr. Ricardo De Ponsa (Struck Off).

Edited by ricardo de ponsa, 22 May 2019 - 09:56 PM.

[bri365]

I'll never forget my grandfathers final words to me........."plug me back in you bastar.............."

[bri365]

Our local builders merchant was broken into yesterday, thieves stole sand,cement and gravel. Police say they are looking for some concrete evidence.