moneymad martian

Been a while since I have done one of these, and since have been in Blackpool for the last week thought would share my latest round of AWP revelry with everyone!

Not too much detail on the timeline, lots of beer hazed moments I'm afraid, but here are the highlights and lowlights of a week in the “Las Vegas of the North”!

Deal Or No Deal – The Walk of Wealth – BFM (30p/50p multistake, £35JP)

This was the first machine of the week, actually in the arcade in the Pleasure Beach. After summoning a member of staff to remove a chain on which hung a sign “See Staff If you Wish to Enter” (am assuming they have been busted recently for allowing minors to play Cat C's) put a couple of quid in to see the machine was immediately backing. Not that it made much good to be honest. Lots of feature start-ups with three telephones, so plenty of DonD games, just no better than £4 in any of them! Then, after around £30 in, had a feature on which a message from the banker delivered a timely “Cash or Bust will be 35.00”. Carried on till question mark, hit the cash or bust button and £35 was duly awarded. Played for next feature (took around a fiver) and the board was at a £2 block so hit C or B again - £15. Then got greedy. Played for next feature (which took around £15 to achieve) and got diddly. Left around even – could have had a tidy £20 profit.

Deal Or No Deal – The Crazy Chair – BFM (30p/50p multistake, £35JP)

Well this machine (and it's clones – The Perfect Game and The Big Deal) has an immediate telltale if it is happy. The boxes turn red straight away, often every two or three credits. Well this was doing it every time a DonD symbol was in view, so knew the outcome to this. Within around £20 of recycling (and whilst being sharked by local pikeys who obviously knew the same) had the DonD feature squares all red (invincible). Paid a flat £35 MS however. Next feature, same again, same flat £35. Next feature, no IM but am assuming was a hidden one, £35JP (not Megastreak). Came away with a very healthy profit on this, which unfortunately was a very very short term one....

Deal Or No Deal – The Power Five – BFM (25p/50p multistake, £35JP)

I hate this machine. I do not know why I go within ten yards of it, let alone spending an hour hunched over the fooking thing cursing why the hell I started to play it. This was pure evil. Now I could have come on after a refill (machine was backing from start), however I doubt it. I just think the shoddyness of the coding on this is plain for all to see. Whats with the “Power Bonus” on the fifth position on the trail? Every second time it awarded a “Boost” which advanced only to position 6! Well the machine did as much evilness as I remembered from a previous encounter - once you get four power five boxes it goes to extraordinary lengths to not allow you another cash or feature shot – in one instance I got through ten extra lives trying!! Eventually got a JP, played for afters which cost me another tenner and walked away £30 down from the whole day, notwithstanding the earlier profit. I know I have said it before, but this machine is pure evil. Have never ever won on the thing.

Barcrest – Open the Box (25p/50p multistake, £35JP)

Odd machine this. It is blatantly obvious what is in your box is not in your box until you open the box....if that makes sense. Unlike DonD which spins in the award prior to you playing, this does it at the very instant you press to open it. So it even is evaluating its percentage throughout feature gameplay – or there wouldnt be a reason for it to do it this way, surely? Anyway, not much to say, £40 in £35JP out. End.

Mazooma – Road to Riches (25p/50p multistake, £35JP)

I like this machine. Is an easily forceable “BFM” coded machine which you generally get your money back, or moneys worth on. This time had a very quick steal on a red Mega Streak on first feature (which I believe was first pound coin) therefore was happy with a quick £25 profit. Had a show to see that night anyway so was quite happy with the quick result.

QPS – Quid Vicious – (25p/50p multistake, £35JP)

Crapola. Any machine that awards a “Super Megastreak” which gives £16 is not worth the effort....

Deal or No Deal – The Dream Factory – BFM (25p/50p/£1 multistake, £70JP)

The first super duper new £70 JP of the trip. This was in a pub on the front with an 80's theme, cannot remember its name, however they were doing £1.99 double voddy and redbulls and it was lobbing it down outside, so me and the missus took up refuge in here for a while. Well this was an odd one. Had no coins, so played with notes. Was playing a decent game actually, opening up the top section of the board on pretty much every occasion and sometimes doing the temporary “lock-in”. Well got to about £30 in the bank, and thought would recycle some coins. To my horror (had been doing a gentle force, so was already around £20 down) found that the coin mech was knackered, likely full of pikey £7 coins. No matter. Would continue with notes. However, having taken out £5 coins had taken the £1 float lower than a certain point and disabled the note mech - “Not Available” stared at me whilst I tried to stuff another £20 in its greedy pie-hole. Well all I can say is thank God for the “transfer” button. Decided to come away from the Mega £1 game for a more sensible 50p per go flutter, and decided that the force had to be aborted and the £20 loss had to be recouped with the £25 I had left in the bank. Well the £25 rapidly went to £20, the £20 went to £15 and the £15 went quickly to £5. Top section of the board not opened once, £2 block on every feature. The difference was staggering. No idea why changing the stake had had such a bad effect – but it did. In desperation, went back to the £1 Mega game and with three credits of the five I had remaining it awarded an IM. Not an immediate one, but it gave it with the heart symbols and some very nicely placed “No lose Hi-lo”'s. Went for a flat £70, and deciding that discretion was the better part of valour (and my heart pounding so much I needed a smoke) thought it best to leave it there.

Deal or No Deal – The Big Deal – BFM (25p/50p/£1 multistake, £70JP)

This was quite a quicky. It awarded via skillstop three red box symbols and gave a feature called selector or something (the voddy and redbulls were still £1.99 and kicking in by this point), where it allows you to select the best number of boxes available from the matrix. Was quite disappointed, as only got nine of the twelve. However, allowing all three symbols to spin gave the three I needed for DonD; was quite shocked though that the next number took me immediately to a question mark. Thought I'd buggered up the chance of the DonD game, but it actually awarded “move-in”. Then on the next press straight to the next “move-in” arrow and in the centre. This gave 4 of the awards to be £70, along with MS, then £20 down to £1 if memory serves. Played DonD, left all the £70 awards and MS and the £20, offered £23 first up! Let it go, memory fades again so cannot remember the combinations it left but do remember turning down a £52 offer on the way to the £70 JP.

Deal or No Deal – Can you Beat the Banker (Casino) – BFM (50p, £35JP)

Well as my AWP gaming has slowed down considerably over recent years, me and the missus have recently taken up the jolly art of bingo. All forms of gambling accepted in my establishment! The payout percentage is less, the chances of winning are less, however it has a finite limit of how much you can lose. Well after playing bingo at the Mecca hall for a couple of hours, on the way out we stopped in the arcade. The arcade was full of these bloody things, so after a session of eeny meeny miney mo I picked my horse. I don't do lo-techs as a rule, but my God this has made me realise I will never do lo-techs again! I could have picked any one of six or seven of these, however I picked one that sucked £150 straight through with £15 as the highest win. One over yonder, a woman playing it with hair bluer than a smurf, was obtaining MS's and JP's hand over fist. Me, less than half an hour after embarking on my first lo-tech journey for many a moon, was at my destination. Brokesville. The savings cash-card was left at the hotel as not to let too much temptation cross my path, and the ATM in a bingo hall will not allow cash advances on a credit card (tried it), so had no option but to skulk away with tail between legs. Ouch. At least I did my bit for pensioners; one lucky old bird would have had a field day on this – oooh Marge think of all the blue rinse I can buy....

Well there were more machines played, not too many, but all in all came away around £50 down after a weeks play. So not too bad I suppose.

Thanks for reading!

As the recent thread on this subject had question marks at the end of the sentence, I thought I would post that; A - they are here, and B they are shite!

Gamestec at Wetherspoons outlets in Leeds have been working feverishly apparently to be the first outlets to have them. And they have.

First cab off the rank was Deal or No Deal, The Dream Factory. Oddly a triple stake affair; 25p/50p/£1. Boring flat ridiculous game on £1 stake. That cost me £30 to find out. Got bored with it, so switched to 25p; immediately had the DonD feature which gave £40; on the DonD feature the Mega Streak has gone.

Second was Italian Job. No £1 stake on offer, just the standard 25p/50p; again awful. No point playing it was my synopsis after recycling £30. The programming is different; no set ups available on the fruit ladder anymore. Infact I almost gave up on this new revolution for AWP's that was the £70 JP.....

Then I encountered a machine I had not seen before. "Monopoly Boom or Bust". This machine was off its tits, new installation, new RAM, it was obvious. Even so, playing the £1 "Mega Game" with it's bonus feature was boring. NOTHING HAPPENED!!! The same £5 blocks were there as with any BFM; so I switched to 50p per play which was the minimum. First spin three symbols on the winline which gives, according to the machine decal, an enhanced Feature. Jackpot was acheived without even pressing the start button. Played for afters and got a further £15.

Moved from one Wetherspoon outlet to another and played with varying success Family Guy, Double DonD, DonD Break the Bank and DonD The Perfect Game all at the new stake. I came home £30 up. The only reason why was because these were new with a new friendly RAM; when they get hammered they will be evil.

I won my £70 JP - thats me done!

On my latest little play on the robbers that are current AWP's, I had the joy of playing Barcrest's latest DonD rip off, "Amazing".

It wasn't actually that unpleasant of an experience actually. But a couple of things it did "amazed" me (couldn't resist the shite pun). On the "Maze" feature, which is Deal or No Deal in disguise, it left me with £1 and £8. On BFM's robbing efforts this would have left an "offer" in the region of £2 - £4. On this, it was £7.79?? Why?

Then it gave me a "mega hint", as it calls it, which is only available if you play max stake. It told me that the Maze win was now guaranteed to be £8! WHY TELL ME THAT!!!! I HAD AN OFFER OF £7.79 ANYWAY!!!!

Just struck me of lazy code. No element of surprise; no suspense; you will win £8 and I am telling you as much as many times as I possibly can.

Came off £30 up as it actually repeated on JP (never have I had a £35 JP repeat before, ever). But I just found it really lazy...

Heard this on the radio while half asleep this morning, and actually thought I had dreamt it. Apparently not...

Gamblers 'to be able to bet and win twice as much on slot machines' - Telegraph

I love the comment about fruit machine production being down. If the manufacturers do not realise that demand has slumped and takings are down due to them producing total piles of unplayable $&%#y nastyness, and think that increasing the JP will arrest the demise of the AWP, then the future is very bleak indeed.

Well, I never ever thought I'd ever ever say this, but I found a DonD machine which I actually enjoyed playing!

It is basically a clone of Can you Beat the Banker with a few more bells and whistles, however it plays so much better! Maybe I think its better because I got caned so badly from Can you Beat the Banker once to within an inch of my life (must have walked onto it after an emptier and subsequent refill) that anything better than that is good.

There are two of these machines in different Wetherspoon outlets in Leeds which are about two minutes walk away from each other. First one, saw this machine for the first time in my life. Thought, this is a dark attract mode!! Infact, all lamps had failed, however the machine was in working order with just the alphanumeric and the jazzy "red reels" thing this does sometimes. Well, being one for a bit of a challenge, I thought would have a liitle dabble. Few quid in, and having to count the numbers on the feature board to have a clue where I was, I landed on a question mark. Thought sod it, do or die (or cash or bust), and it awarded Mega Streak! Which went for £66!

After sinking a few coins into the new Cops and Robbers video machine, I decided to have a wander into the train station Wetherspoons, and lo-and-behold another Break the Bank machine was grinning at me.

Well I was armed with pound coins, but as always if I decide for a little session I checked the note accepted worked, which it didn't. However, there was some Cool Gaming piece of shite next door so thought if things get desperate I could use the one on that, which I knew was working because a chap had plumbed a fiver in it and skulked off after losing it in about the time the barmaid poured my pint.

Played this machine for the first time properly, given the fact the lights were working on this one. It gives a half decent game actually! I have played the likes of DonD The Power Five and that other piece of bollocks with the hi-lo up the nudge and cash stacks and have been amazed at how badly they rip off the punter. This is not a happy ever after story, I actually lost about £20 on the day, notwithstanding the Mega Streak I got earlier, but it took me a long time to lose it! Recycling wins actually worked instead of murdering the gameplay totally if you decided to collect at the obvious block (I await the day a manu will make a "random" feature board and get rid of blocks). I had a JP through the Power 5 feature, a super streak, £20 and a Mega Streak from a do or die press, and other various wins. To lose £50 (on this machine) took me nearly three hours, on others I have lost £50 in ten minutes.

Everyone forgets that when you play fruit machines you are buying a service, you are buying entertainment. Sometimes that entertainment may mean you win a few bob, but the majority of the time you lose. I thought that to play a machine for three solid hours, and really enjoy it and not feel raped, was a feeling I had not had since the late 1980's.

Only problem is I will likely get stung on one of these f***ers shortly in the future, and this feeling of nostalgic euphoria will soon fade!